Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Autolic Test

If the Wonderlic is the test that determines how intelligent/football intelligent a prospect is, consider this the Autograph equivilent. Since we all pine after the top autographs of the newest players as soon as new sets are released, I thought I would go over some of the best and worst of the 2008 class - so far.

Last year's class was a "B" at best. We had good autos like Peterson and Brady Quinn, and VERY bad autos like Lawrence Timmons and other nobodys who probably understood that it would be pretty pointless to sign nicely because their cards would eventually end up in everyone's bargain bin. Then we have Josh Wilson of the Seahawks who decided that despite his role as a back up special teams guy, he had to sign everything "the truth." Well Josh, $.50 - that’s about as truthy as you will get as to your value to this hobby.

This year, we have a class that I would say is about average. Example A, Matt Ryan has a beautiful auto, my compliments to him and his family. Rashard Mendenhall, on the other hand, has the auto of someone who failed 3rd grade art class. I may avoid his cards all together if he is going to be signing like that all year - what is he thinking? As for creativity, Jake Long and Booty-licious have gimmicky cool autos like Sidney Rice's new one. Bootycall may have scored a 10 on the wonderlic, but he gets better grade here. At least he can write.



Ryan (Picture: A Grade: A)
McFadden (Picture: B Grade: B+)
J Long (Picture: C Grade: B)
Mendenhall (Picture: D Grade: F)
DeSean Jackson (Picture: E Grade: B)
Devin Thomas (Picture: F Grade: B-)
Booty (Picture: G Grade: B)
Brohm (Picture: H Grade B+)

Im sure we will get another Timmons or *gasp* Morency this year too, I just havent looked hard enough to find it yet. Regardless, nothing pisses the fuck out of me more than pulling an auto and seeing the guy fail to even produce initials. As a lesson to the slackers, I know you have a lot of cards to sign, but take the extra effort and give us something to remember you by (other than a few tackles in a preseason 4th quarter). So to those who dont I have this to say:

To Morency: Fuck You!
To Timmons: Fuck You!
To Brandon Marshall : Fuck You!
To Tiki and Ronde Barber of the Autograph hall of fame: You're Cool!
To Josh "the Truth" Wilson: Fuck you!

Im outta here.

Monday, April 28, 2008

NFL Draft: 4 Months of Football-less Boredom Ensues

Fuck, its over. Well, on to bigger and better things right? I know my copy of Madden 2008 hasnt seen play since last december. Maybe ill go do that. Although I did want to discuss one thing, so ill get my Sesame Street on and learn you folks some good info.

Hype (per dict.org):
noun. n. blatant or sensational promotion [syn: ballyhoo, hoopla, plug]

Hype is what drives the rookie class each year, mainly because you cant judge anything other than on field college performances. Trust me, UD, Topps, and DLP would all like to put Rookie Premier Stats on the back of the cards with the stupid event worn jerseys but that would make the whole thing moot. (Sample: Matt Ryan: College – Boston College, Height - 6’4”, Jerseys worn at the Rookie Premier – 126.)

Either way, based on pretty much nothing, collectors assign value to the cards. Last year, Brady Quinn and Calvin Johnson were the most valuable, followed closely by Adrian Peterson and JaMarcus Russell. Little did people know at the time that Derek Anderson would break out, All Day would have a behemoth of a year, and JaMarcus would hold out until he was worth about as much as a long snapper to the Raiders. Alas, this is hype (Although, I could have told anyone that Johnson would never be a good investment because he is part of the Minnesota Timberwolves of the NFL). It’s the nature of the sheep to buy into who they think will be the best – of course, being sheep, most of the collectors are stupid. The select few who invest in the right players are the ones who ignore the hype and make the most money. Me? I just buy the Vikings because my prospect-wang is small.

Honestly, who let this guy fall to the Steelers? WTF?

This year we have a few guys that everyone will want. Ryan because he is the “top” QB, Brohm because he is a Packer, McFadden because he reminds people of the Purple Jesus, and because he is the top RB, and Mendenhall because he is a Steeler. I think the best bets for good investments will be Devin Thomas, Mendenhall, and Felix Jones because they all play for good teams with huge fan bases and because they should put up pretty damn good RC seasons. I would say McFadden too, but I don’t think there is much room for improvement based on where he is right now. Also, a look at Chad Henne might be good for long term because I guarantee he will be on the field as a starter by mid next year.

As the saying goes, the early bird gets the worm – and I have some birds circling for some guys that I think will be very, very good. Then when they explode, and I have spent a whole zero hundred dollars on them, I can laugh at all the people who didnt invest, and then cry because I am a poor bastard.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

NFL Draft: Mel Kiper is an idiot

Okay, Mel, I know you have been doing this draft since 1647 when the Moors drafted Ghengis Khan and traded him to Mongolia in a "blockbuster trade," but you are still an idiot.

You really need to understand that "He has great intangibles!" is not a good analysis of a current pick. Intangibles mean squat unless you have the skills to back it up. David Eckstein may be small and "scrappy" as people put it, but he still sucks. Bad. So when someone takes a guy, dont immediately say that he is "just okay" at every essential skill needed at his position and then say the pick is acceptable because he has good intangibles. Spare me the bullshit. Just say that the team made a shitty pick.

Saturday, April 26, 2008

NFL Draft: Who hires these scouts?

Well the first picks were pretty uneventful with Ryan, the Longs, McFadden and company going pretty much as expected. Ill tell you though, as they got further through the first, I started to wonder who the fuck green lighted some of these picks! Godser Cherilus? WTF?!? Even Matt Millen stooped to new lows drafting this idiot over Merling or another Defensive guy. Then you start seeing Mendenhall fall all the way to the Steelers, drafted after Jonathan Stewart and the East Carolina guy. It just gets to the point where you give up on people actually being smart people. Did all the people who made the Jets picks over the last 20 years somehow make their way to these teams drafting Round 3 players in the 1st round? Guess so.

Then the boatload of CBs and WRs comes through the waters in the second round, finally! Thomas, Hardy, and all the guys go, and some how Sweed is still on the board, Brohm is still on the board, and NUMEROUS other great picks are still on the board and the Vikings take....

...Wait for it...

Tyrell Johnson. Ugh. Please. Another bang my head against the wall pick. Someone call Fran Foley up and tell him he can have his job back. Why the fuck are they drafting a Safety NOW? Draft someone you need RIGHT THIS SECOND not at some undefinable point in the future. He isnt even that good! Maybe the Vikings are trying to gather a collection of people from the most unrecognizable D1 schools.

Either way, heres hoping that Chad Henne is still available for Round 4. Oh and A++ for getting Jared Allen - one great DE that you can count on for once. I applaud that. Because of your trades, I dont hate you all the way today, just like you are my brat sister who wont shut up during my favorite movie. Tyrell Johnson, pffft.

Friday, April 25, 2008

First Look: Topps 2008 Football


Well, as usual it looks just like baseball, which this year looks very mediocre. I loved the design last year for both sports and I am thoroughly disappointed with both this year. Of course, the one thing that we will be looking for was the one thing they didnt include on the sell sheet - the Rookie Premier Autos. Of course these happen at my least favorite football event, but they are some of the nicest cards each year. Hopefully, this year will be no different. Peterson has like 6 base cards and 3 autos in the set, so like expected, Topps is surely jumping on the bandwagon. Good for me, because I expect these autos to be less than affordable and more than ugly. Ill wait for the good sets. Either way, this is the set collector's set, so hopefully they are happy.

Back in Black!

Well, its been a long fucking week, ill say that much. It was truly tough to say goodbye to someone you have looked up to your whole life, but it was also nice to see everyone and have a good time. I think it was Lyle Lovett who said something to the tune of how he went to a funeral and had a great time because he got to see everyone he hadn’t seen since the last time somebody died.

Either way, a lot has gone on since the last time I came on. First, Jake Long is the #1 pick, and I actually think that may work out for Miami. I still think you go for the Defensive anchor in Gholston or Long, but you gotta have some bun to protect your meat at QB. Also, in Minnesota homer related news, the Vikes got Jared Allen for 3 picks – BRAVO! I love this deal because there is no reason to take a risk on some unproven guy when you can have the top in the league. Its like having a 68 Ferrari that you COULD restore into the sweetest fucking car ever, or just using the money to get the 68 Ferrari without all the building and polishing. The only problem is he likes the booze. Eh, could be worse – looking at you Adam Jones. Why Jerry Jones took a chance on this DOUCHEBAG, I will never know.

The other thing that happened was the release of UD draft, which is just Press Poop with a UD logo on it. Why god, why would you release this set pre draft? I know there are people who collect college cards but I am fucking sick of seeing this crap. I want my players AT LEAST with the name of the team they were drafted by. Topps DP and P provides that at a minimum. I guess UD wanted to cash in on all the pre-draft “super hype” (or as I call it, buying crap cards to hold you over until something real comes out) by putting out a set to compete with the topps gig. The only thing they forgot is that after DLP’s first licensed set comes out, this stuff will be forgotten.

This card looks worse than this guy's dad's haircut

Funny enough, I stopped in at the UD store in Huntington Beach on my way back from the funeral. The store was nice looking, but I would never pay 120 bucks for Sweet Spot anything. I felt dirty going in there, but felt I needed to check out the new product. After seeing their displays for the above mentioned junk, I will be continuing my ban on all UD products without batting an eye. Not only does UD Draft looked rushed and lacking in meaty goodness, but the cards look awful. If you take out the fact that there is not one single mention of NFL teams, it would still be junk. Spend your money elsewhere. Only 3 months until DLP Classics – patience grasshopper!

My grade: C-

Sunday, April 20, 2008

Death in the Family

There will not be any updates for the next few days due to a death in my family, stay tuned as I will be back later this week. Thanks for hanging in there with me.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Wax Busters Anonymous - Helping Cure Addiction Since 2008

When the average price of a box climbs above 200 dollars - count me out of this hobby. Right now, the average price is around 100 bucks and steadily climbing. Upper Deck, Topps, and DLP all are releasing more and more higher end products with hopes of attracting the collectors who have a lot of money to burn and not a good head on their shoulders. Why I say that is because when you bust any box, you actually have something like a 1/5 chance of actually making back 75% of the box cost. When you open a high end box like Exquisite - it is even worse odds, unless you work for Beckett.

Let me break this down for you: $550 for the single box of 6 cards - 7 counting the base. Of those six cards, you have to average 110 dollars a card to make back your money. Because you are already GUARANTEED a maximum jersey card that will go for 5-20 bucks, you have to make up the money on the rest of things. Unless you hit one of the big names in the hobby, you are most likely just throwing your money in to a pile and dropping a match. Its fucking ludicrious that people would buy cases, let alone multiple cases of this stuff when you have about as good of a chance of coming out on top as Prince Fielder has to hit an inside the park home run!

***Wait, hold on...
He already hit one last year?
You have to be fucking kidding me.
Who was it against?
Oh right.... figures. ***

Right, well, moving on.

Even if you bust something like Leaf Limited, you still have a very low chance of making your money back, especially because 3/5 boxes contains a base RC auto instead of the Phenoms Patch auto.

This begs the question, why bust wax when you are most likely going to get a return of 20 bucks on your 100?

There are a few reasons(in no order):

1)Fame. People who have been busting on youtube can usually get around 200-1000 views per video of busting their mid end wax. People like chri5784 and the Doc have made this a staple of their businesses. This is a reason I videotape my breaks - despite being a made for radio personality.

2)Thrill. Its fun to bust high end wax. Its a rush to slide them cards like they are a peep show. Of course, 9 times out of 10 you are left with a shitty feeling of self loathing after, but thats irrelevant when you have the unopened box in your hands.

3)Collecting. Yes this rare breed is still out there - mainly in Northwestern Russia from what I hear. Definitely not anywhere near an internet hookup. Regardless, these people bust because they are a catch and keep kind of person. Me? I couldnt care less about keeping a Victor Abiamiri base limited auto 5,024/507,863,098, but that doesnt mean that someone else out there doesnt.

4)Boredom. OH MY GOD THIS IS ME. I get bored and I get the itch to rip into some foil packaged pieces of cardboard. Once I get done, I get that self loathing feeling as described above, but Im no longer bored! At least im not the guy who busted 4 and a half cases of UD black baseball because he hated his life. Im looking right at you buddy!

And the all time worst:

5)Target/Wal-mart/Retail shoppers. Busting retail wax is like handing a homeless guy a 50 dollar bill and telling him to hold it while you go wash your car. There is no fucking reason in hell to bust retail unless you have no internet, no brain, and your mother and father kept you locked in the basement until you screamed for food/sunlight. People who say that the reason they bust retail is because there is no card shop near you to buy hobby - fuck you and your stupid idealistic bullshit - go to a library and order some. ITS FREE INTERNET. I dont care if you are at Target buying diapers for your kid, and while you are reaching for the pampers, he runs away and you find him sitting in the card aisle, its still not a reason to touch any of that crap. Dont give me that gift card bullshit either, go buy something you actually need.

All in all the wax busters are not endangered at all because the companies find new ways to lure them back in. I have sworn off wax about as many times as I have sworn off donuts. Yet alas, the lure of the product, in both cases, always brings me back around.

MMMM donuts. Arghhhhhhhhdfsadfasdf.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

First Look: SPX 2008 Football


Here is what the RC autos are going to look like for SPX 2008. I thought they were JUST OKAY last year due to the squashed pictures and busy cards with little room for the auto - this year seems much better. They have the rest of the sell sheet up at the normal website, but I thought this was the most important.

I specifically like the layout of these, but with all certainty, I will assume that all the jersey windows will only be completely filled in on the lower parallels much like last years. This is really the first card of the year that holds any value through the whole season, so I am glad they didnt schuck their duties on redesigning it - although I dont know if all the cards will be BRIGHT FUCKING BLUE, lets hope not.

On another note, looks like these cards will be numbered to 175 for the big guys rather than last years 299. That sucks major dick. Now most people wont be able to afford the box OR the cards. Thanks Upper Deck.

Shirt Off My Back 2 - Electric Bugaloo


Topps has secured rights for 16 former players that are huge names in the card industry – rightfully so. The biggest names are Jackie Robinson, Gherig, Cobb, Cy Young, Campanella, among others. I think its freaking unbelievable considering that for some of the guys, there has not been a card produced in years! I mentioned in my post about jersey cards that the supply for these guys has to be dwindling – especially for Gherig, Cobb and Cy Young. These guys played in an era where there was no memorabilia industry, so I think its weird that there can be so many relics available for them. Granted, most of them played for 20 years, but still, I think the dryer probably ate more of the jerseys than are out there for UD and Topps to buy.

Does anyone else besides me think that cutting up historical pieces of the national pasttime to insert in baseball cards is blasphemy? I can understand for people like Jeter, Griffey, Jordan, and others, because they all played with the idea that UD should get some of the Jerseys each year. But for Gherig, Cy Young, and a lot of others, their jerseys and bats should be preserved for future generations to admire the game back then, before it was about sticking syringes in your ass and socking dingers to make that huge-mungous contract even more huge-mungous.

On a lighter(?) note, people like Cobb hated black people being involved in the game, so I think its kind of hilarious and sad that he would be included on a card with Jackie Robinson. Maybe there should be a Kennedy/Castro relic card made to show off classic hater/hatee relationships through history.

I am eager to see what they will dig up in 10 years when they run out of HOF jerseys to put in these things (*crosses fingers for a “person used” DNA card*).

Tuesday, April 15, 2008

I Pulled a 1/1 and All I Got Was This Shitty Card

Over the last couple years, the 1/1 has gone from a mystical unicorn to a burro in the eyes of many collectors – myself included. It used to be that 1/1s were reserved for the cards that everyone wished they could get, a la Babe Ruth cuts, MLB and NFL logos, sick patches and other holy grails of the hobby.

It may be an NFL logo 1/1 - but its still EVENT FUCKING USED!

Although the logo cards still have the aura of that elusive unicorn, there are now sets that function solely on either printing plate 1/1s or factory numbered 1/1s like Topps Moments and Milestones that completely ruin the fun of it all. This year, Topps Triple Threads Basketball, a product that most look forward to for the whole season, seemed to have an endless supply of worthless 1/1 jersey cards and autos. Despite a lack of LeBron, Durant, Jordan, and some other key rookies, the product sold well due to the enormous amounts of plates, 1/1s and logo cards that collectors seemed to pull at an alarming rate. This continued into 2008 Moments and Milestones where the disgusting design and 10,000 card base set promised a 1/1 every other box!! People went fucking nuts over the set last year because their chances of getting their “my first 1/1” Girl Scout patch was in their favor for once. This year, the 15,000+ 1/1s didn’t have the same price sticker they did last year on eBay, but people still wanted them for some god forsaken reason.

1 of 1 of 13,000! A collectors gem!

The way I think about it: Topps is beating the 1/1 dead horse to a pink bloody mush. Thanks.

My favorite practice in 1/1 buying trends is the eBay 1/1. Any goddamned time someone pulls a card numbered to the jersey number of a player, the college jersey number of the player, the apartment number of the player growing up, or the number of hairs on his balls, it’s an eBay 1/1. Of all these – the jersey number can command quite the price tag for the more expensive Exquisites or SPAs. I think this is fucking ridiculous and only shows that collectors are sheep in this world of making a quick buck. Hallmark created the Valentines Day hype, greedy sellers helped create the jersey number 1/1 hype. At least eBay removes listings – sometimes – when they abuse the 1/1 keyword. It has even spawned the “true 1/1” lingo just because there idiots who cant figure out that just because it’s listed as a one of a kind doesn’t mean it is. Yes, despite what you think, there are literally millions of these people who love to be taken to the cleaners.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Excommunication is Better Than One Would Think...

It turns out that the mods on the beckett boards read this site, I find that very funny. What isn’t funny is that they banned me for good for having this wonderful fuck and shit filled paradise. Im fine with the situation because I know that I have more fun writing this blog than I do posting over there. Thank you to one of my three loyal readers for that.

For the mods, I don’t regret the decision that having a site where I don’t have to deal with your stupid dictatorship. Personally, that is much more important that having the ability to post on your family friendly forums. I guess i found out the hard way that posting text saying that this site was up and running was a little to racy for the 1950’s time capsule that is the BMB. “Hey Paw, lets go down to the fishing hole and catch us some supper!”

The best part of this – it all started over Mojo. Yes, people actually cared enough to fight for this overused and asinine display of card pulls. As discussed before, I believe the term has about as much worth as a breakfast buffet in a whore house, but I guess worshipping the Mojo god is worth more to them than simple dignity.

Either way, Im done playing leave it to beaver over there, and I will be continuing to post here so that people can see the soft underbelly of this hobby.

The NFL Draft - Expecting the Expected

Who doesn’t love the draft? Huh? I believe it has to be the best fucking day on the planet for football fans, other than the super bowl, of course. You’ve done your reading, you’ve looked over three million mock drafts, you’ve bought your awful box of SAGE low series (ill get to that in a second), and you have finally settled on that one guy you want to collect.

The funny thing is that if I had more than 3 readers, I would say that 90% of my readership doesn’t follow even one step of the above. Most people just collect the guy that suits up for their favorite team. I do most of the above until I realize that the Vikings guy is really the only one I will follow. Then, after resigning myself to the cruel fate of following a draft pick that most likely wont amount to anything, I finally jump ship and wind up on the bandwagon of the most popular guy of the year.

I know you are asking yourself after this amazing lead in, “WHO DO YOU THINK I SHOULD COLLECT?”

Well, since you asked, here is who I think are good bets for the BEGINNING OF THE YEAR:

Mcfadden, Ryan, and Mendenhall are all DUHs, but I wouldn’t put it past DeSean Jackson, Brian Brohm, or one of the other receivers to make a significant push for the collector’s heart. Just a word to the wise though: McFadden wont have the O-Line that All Day had with the Vikings, as the Raiders or whoever drafts him probably didn’t acquire the talent there to make a first year guy a huge deal. The Vikings had just ridiculously overpaid for Hutchinson, gotten Tony Richardson, and already had Chester Taylor and Bryant McKinnie, so there wasn’t as much pressure on Peterson to make a splash because we already had the pieces in place for a good running game. With the other teams, that probably isn’t there.

As for Ryan, he will probably either start for a god awful Dolphins team, or he will ride the pine while he learns the NFL style offense. This means we are looking at a Brady Quinn or JaMarcus Russell type of year for him as well as most of the QBs. Remember, its going to be at least 3 years before anyone’s investment pays off, so be cautious about keeping your stash of pulls when you could sell them for serious coin at the beginning of the year. Also remember: ALL JERSEY CARDS ARE EVENT FUCKING USED!

Go ahead, buy a few, or you can just send your money to me - its pretty much same thing.

If you are looking for a guy who will make a difference in his team right away, you are stuck with middle first round backs and receivers (Jackson and Sweed), O-line top draft picks (Long), or the same for defense (Long). The reason for the first mention is because teams that draft in the mid to late first round have more of a team in place to establish a rookie guy with little knowledge (see Addai and Maroney). Jackson has been know to have a typical me-first attitude, and should end up with a good team - maybe the Vikings - so maybe he would be the best person to throw 50 bucks at. With the Longs, stay away from the OT and focus more on the DT guy. Some defensive guys carry a big stick in the hobby, and the defensive Long may be a good bet to be the defensive star of the draft much like Willis was last year.

To the lovers of Press Poop and SAGE:

Obviously, the first few series of cards like SAGE and Press Pass are some of the worst possible cards to invest in because they never hold any value once actual cards come out. If you find yourself itching for wax to bust of the new guys, wait for DLP’s Prestige, Elite or even Classics, because they are the first licensed cards and may actually hold some value. I heart Classics very much because they are usually the first mid end product with the draft picks in their team jerseys. Of course the pics were taken at the Rookie Premiere piece of shit, but they don’t include relics in the cards – so im cool. The good thing is that the designs for DLP look better and better every year while Topps and UD fight each other for who can create the worst looking cards on the planet. Both Topps and UD have a new draft product coming out right after the big day, so the collectors will most likely salivate over them (I think they both look awful). What collectors don’t realize is that both companies now have to lose a later product to cover it. Topps already had draft picks and prospects, but UD will have to dump one of the later issues because they never had stuff out after the draft before.

This card looks better than Jessica Simpson at a Cowboys game

Either way, this year seems to be a little less star-studded, but more balanced in terms of players for the first rounders. We can expect a lot of middle of the road rookies with not many that truly have what Peterson had last year.

Friday, April 11, 2008

The Shirt Off My Back - Or Is It?

It all started in 1996 when Upper Deck put the first jersey card in their baseball set. You had your pick of HOF bound Rey Ordonez, some guy named Ken Griffey Jr, and 1 or two others. It was quite the easy pull at one per eleventy billion boxes, so naturally, they were a huge freaking deal.

The baseball ones were so tough to find, I have to use a hockey one!

These days we have everything to clothing relics to old nappy hair relics - and yet people still say we have "come a long way." Bullshit. Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit! These days its not better, its fucking out of control. They have even gone so far as to create a whole event where all the future nobodies of the NFL and NBA can run, jump, and play in full uniform, JUST so the card companies can get relics for their rookie jersey and auto cards. That, my friends, is fucking ridiculosity in full bloom. What's even funnier is that people drop a deuce (both literally and figuratively) for a Peterson exquisite, and its not even game fucking used! I want my jersey cards to come from real shit. Bled on, spit on, played in, sweat on - REAL game used crap. Not some jersey that All Day threw on for two measley seconds in San Diego on a bright and sunny day. Fuck that!

WARNING: Object in picture is not as real as it appears...

I havent spent a penny on rookie jersey cards that dont have an auto on them. What's the god damned point? Its not like the jersey in the cards means anything - if it is even player touched at all!

Great article on this exact point - THANK YOU WHEELER!

Which brings me to another point, can someone elighten my ignorant ass as to where these card companies get bat after bat and jersey after jersey for all the old timey guys? Its not like the Babe and Gherig set aside jerseys frequently for the companies to have! I know UD has a lot of freaking money from all their scams, but seriously its not like there is an unlimited supply! I know Topps has already been forced to use jerseys from an old timer's game and some clothing relics for Mantle, but each year we get more and more Ruth, Dimaggio, and Gherig cards with no hint of slowing down. Anyone else getting a faint whiff of bullshit here?

Wow, what a beaut. Hopefully the Babe has some more great ones lying around his house.

I know that I wouldnt put it past those douchebags to pull this over on us, but seriously, that would be huge shit. I think the collectors would shit a collective brick if they found out what was really going on. I already question UD because they took the guarantee off the back of their newer jersey cards. Who knows if my sick Kurt Rambis patch card was actually worn by my favorite schmuckface Dan Majerle? Who knows if it was worn in a game or to an autograph signing? There are no more sure things any more, and that grinds my gears to nubs.

First you get the Auto, then you get the money, then you get the women.

I must say, after seeing Sidney Rice's unveiled new autograph, I am impressed. So impressed that I have given him the Dwight Schrute promotion to second favorite player on the Vikings. There will be no pay raise.

FACT: Bears have extremely cocky autographs. All are number 73 on their team.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Book Value? PFFFFT.

Yesterday I ventured down to a local money pit and thought I would get some stuff. I walk into the store and they have a huge-mungous sign that says "Singles now at 50% of Beckett Value!"

After looking around for a little while and seeing that even at 50% BV, most of the singles were still 10% above eBay prices. I walked out of the store with some supplies and a bag of chips - no cards - because who wants to pay more than they have to?

Using beckett values to price things, trade things, or even measure your own collection is like using "Wins" as the way to determine the best pitcher in the league. Its widely done, but completely fucking asinine. People dont seem to understand the prices printed in Beckett are completely stupid and unnecessary when you have a free auction based system like eBay around. It only helps my cause that just about every single god damned card is on that site, from the commons to the big hittahs.

Burt Reynolds BV: $Texas

Lets use some random examples:

2006 Bowman Sterling David Wright Jersey card
Beckett Value: $15.00 high $6.00 low
Last eBay completed auction: $5.00 - 1 bid
Percent below book value: 66
Amount below low book: 1 dollar

2006 Derek Jeter AL Artifacts Jersey Card /325
Beckett value: $25.00 high $11 low
Last ebay completed auction: 10.25 - 4 bids
Percent below book value: 59
Amount below low book: .75

2006 SP Authentic Dan Haren By the Letter Auto /180
Beckett value: $30.00 high $15.00 low
Last eBay completed auction: $7.10 - 3 bids
Percent below book value: 67
Amount below low book: 7.90

Now, those are pretty random things I pulled off eBay and out of the Beckett. As you can see, the prices are fucking ludicrous. I want to know why people are so dependent on them when clearly the worth of these cards does not in any way hinge on the prices listed in the magazine.

History lesson: I know that back in the day, Beckett was the end all and be all of the pricing world because there was no mass pricing methods available through "teh interweb." Even though Beckett is like the old racial epiphets shouting grandpa who never makes sense, at one point they actually had a purpose besides being my daily toilet paper. Hell, 15 years ago, that card shop deal from above would have been fucking grandiose! Now, its just a laugh factory.

For those of you who still have the sac to trade by book value and scorn me for using eBay, please take notice of simple economics. I will not give you more than your card is worth because a magazine with little to no connection to the hobby still thinks they are god of the card collecting universe. I will give you exactly what it is worth because I can know that pretty easily. Shit, if I am feeling nice, I might give you more!

We are moving everything over to http://www.sportscardsuncensored.com/ so please bear with us if things dont move as smoothly as we hope. Click the contact us button at the top if you are having problems.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

DLP Baseball - Gone But Not Forgotten

First off, Elite Extra Edition doesnt count. That isnt licensed.

Now that I have set my parameters, I want to pass a note along to DLP Baseball products:


I believe most DLP baseball products, like their football counterparts, were beyond good. Limited, Prime Patches, Diamond Kings, Prime Cuts, all were monsterously cool non-RC sets for an affordable price. Sometimes, late at night, I find myself searching eBay's long lonely pages hoping for a box of 2008 Prime Patches to bring light to my dismal world. Of course, most of the old products are still available, but getting a Dallas McPherson Auto Patch is not my idea of 150 bucks well spent. I need NEW BLOOD!

I know I would be one to drool over National Treasures Baseball, Diamond Gear, and Leaf Certified Materials 2008 - I know you would too. I think my need stems from my feeling that there are way too many RC based products in Baseball. Unlike basketball and football, the first year of a player is not usually spent in the big leagues, making it difficult to produce true RC cards. Besides, Chrome is king. It always will be in my opinion, so lets not throw Exquisite Rookie Crapfest out there for 200 bucks a pack instead of releasing a cool HOF or Star based product. DLP knew what they were doing, especially with sets like prime patches and prime cuts, which focused very little on the rookies of that year. That, my friends, is why I am dying for a rendezvous with a 2008 Leaf Limited Baseball case.

SIDEBAR: Whose bright fucking idea was it to slap this Rookie Card logo on shit? I laugh at them. I would really like to know why my eyes have to be scarred every time I pull out a Hanley Ramirez card from my packs despite him having cards for almost 5 years. Did Upper Deck get penis envy at Chrome and Sterling's giant prospect-wang? Must be.

I hope DLP gets enough money to force their way back into the market, maybe EEE is the first of many. Then again, with sets like Americana, maybe they are heading in another ridiculous direction:

Donruss "Super Bases Loaded 2: Game Used" is heading to a store near you!


Man, that 1/1 pixelated bat bat barrell is going to go for some serious coin!

You ever get that feeling?

So last year I was going through my possible rosters for fantasy baseball and I saw this guy named Ryan Braun (MIL) listed pretty far down on the projected rankings. Now, I knew from reading prospecting posts on the message boards that he was a top guy for the Brew Crew, but most of us were still thinking Fielder was going to be the man. I remember thinking that despite the monsterous hype around Fielder's power and potentential, Braun was going to be someone that makes the pitcher's hair on the back of his neck stand up.

Ryan realizes he forgot to blow on the ball for good luck... oh well.

Now, let me tell you, I am not a prospector in any way. I dont usually buy into something until it hits the big time - just like many Joe Collectors that are out there. Yet for some reason, I thought this was a guy to jump on. Of course, as a top pick, his stuff wasnt cheap out of 05 Chrome, but it was still a helluva lot cheaper than it is now.

We know the story from there. Out of left field (or third base in his case) he puts together a huge-mungous season and is named ROY ahead of a lot of top candidates. His stuff skyrockets, as it usually does, and we are all left with our feelings of shoulda coulda woulda.

After watching him play a few days ago on my brand spanking new HD LCD, I must say the guy looks pretty fucking amazing. I saw him golf a bomb off of the dirt that I thought was only possible if your name was Vlad, Vladimir, or Vladdy.

So, next time you get that "feeling," remember to invest in it a little. I had the 50 bucks to spend at the time, but I didnt even think twice. Kinda makes me like I missed out on a lot. Well, now I gotta pray that my stash of Matt LaPorta pajamas will pay off.

Monday, April 7, 2008

I think this borders on the dumbest thing ever.

Okay, this was brought up on the Beckett boards.

Someone found this card up for auction on eBay. Im not going to post the link because I dont want this guy to get any more clicks. So instead ill post the pic here:


Now, it was brought up that this card is not real because of the obvious inclusion of a patch in a stated jersey card, the bidders being kept private, and the guy being a known faker. The funniest was that it is obviously a 2006 all star game patch in a 2005 product, and that Lopez hasnt been an all-star since 2003 - all hilariously stupid slip-ups. What's even worse is that someone will bid on this card. Now, it isnt going to go for hundreds - I HOPE - but it may go for 10 bucks more than it would normally.

Something that makes me wonder about the future of the patch faking industry (yes, it has sadly become an industry):

-Pack of Prime Patches: 30 bucks
-Cost of the All Star Patch: 4-6 bucks (after shipping)
-Supplies needed for faking: 2 bucks
-Final value of card after fake: 10 bucks?
-eBay fees: 2 bucks
-Social cost of being the guy who just lost 20 bucks on faking a Javy Lopez card: Infinite

This is great. Almost as great as seeing an inside the park home run in person.

Friday, April 4, 2008

MORE Beckett Bullshit

Are they still trying to fucking convince us that this is the god honest truth? Im so fucking sick of their lies that I need to say fuck a whole assload of times.

Like some poorly shot candid video is going to convince us that things were all legit. Here is the meeting pre-video:

First Beckett Lackey: Hey, guys, I have a GREAT idea!
Second Beckett Lackey: Oh yeah? Because your first idea was great - look at all the publicity!
First Beckett Lackey: Why dont we make a video like Im just walking around the office asking people questions. That way when they comment on the Exquisite video, it will look like its off the cuff and unrehersed! They will HAVE to believe us now!
Second Beckett Lackey: Dude, these idiots are fucking sheep. Its like selling a fake patch card - no one knows any better!

Excuse me while I wipe my ass with their video.


I swear to God, every time I see a thread with the word "MOJO" in it, I throw up a little in my mouth. In fact, it has its own sliding scale of barf:

- Plain "MOJO" = Mouth puke
- "MOJO!!!" = Brush your teeth its bad mouth puke (+1 second of brushing for each exclamation point)
- "Peterson-jo, Jordan-jo, Kurt Rambis-jo" = Full on Family Guy on ipicac puke

Superman wears Kurt Rambis pajamas to bed.

Yeah, its gotten that bad people. My normal person brain just cant function when I see "OMFG PETERSON-JO X8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as someone's title to their break. Have we gotten that uncreative? I mean, titling the thread "A pull that has me jumping up and down ALL DAY" is really lame, but for god's sake I would take it any day of the week over the other. In my opinion, unless you are talking about Homer Simpson's helper monkey - lets let it die people!


One of my other gripes is that people use the exclamation point like it is the button that gives you more morphine in the hospital after surgery. Like more people will come into the thread the more exclamation points. Then, when you do go in, just to see if he did pull the Payton cut signature you think he did, its only a card that doesnt even cover the cost of the box! I know, Im a nitpicker. Listen, if you do pull a Payton Cut that cool, ill let it slide - ONCE.

Just to give you a better example of why this term needs to go faster than "drop it like its hot," ill cite an experience with my dear old mom a few days ago. I told her I busted a box of SPA as the last UD box I would ever break, after explaining the whole debacle with Beckett. Immediately, as if on cue, she asked, "Well, did you at least pull any MOJO?" My jaw hit the fucking floor.

Lets put this into perspective. You can either sound like an experienced collector and name your break what it should be "(Box Title) (Year) (Sport) - Great Pull!" or you can sound like a thirteen year old with a keyboard and a cell phone in each hand.

Choose wisely - ill be lurking!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

On to the drudge of a normal week...

Ok, I admit it. I was wrong. For now.

It wasnt Livan Hernandez that had an awful outing his first trip to the mound, it was Boof. Livan, Im sorry. Yet, only striking out one and giving up a buttload of hits to an Angels team that features Garret Anderson in the 4 spot is not exceptional or worthy of that much praise.

Boof tries to pull a good fastball out of his huge noggin

Favorite opening day moment: Torii Hunter looking at Joe Nathan like he is throwing the baseball like Bugs Bunny does. I can guarantee the thought running through his head after swinging through the third strike was something to the tune of, "Holy Crap, I thought low and away Randy Johnson sliders were tough. This is fucking ridiculous!"


Topps Baseball released their shot at Finest for the year and my one comment after seeing the product live was, "WTF mate?"

While sitting in the Topps conference room and going over the plans for the set, who green lighted this card:

Please wash your eyes out to the left in our burn center.

I think after this, we need to come to the realization that the hobby as we know it is no longer about putting out good products as a whole, but rather a series of gimmicks designed to peek interest. As a result, most of the rest of the stuff suffers.

The rest of the finest set is forgettable, as it was last year in my opinion. The difference? On card autos for most. But, when a product is less than mediocre, who really cares? I remember when Finest was THE set to collect. Now, after switching to mini box format a few years ago (my least favorite way of release), the set has pretty much been removed from my list. I dont know why companies even try to release Rookie based auto sets any more. Chrome is king. It will be until the end of time - or at least until they start including asinine autos. What? Whats that you say? Autos of team scouts this year in the set of sets? Ugh, thanks Topps.

My grade: C-

Tuesday, April 1, 2008

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