Tuesday, April 29, 2008

The Autolic Test

If the Wonderlic is the test that determines how intelligent/football intelligent a prospect is, consider this the Autograph equivilent. Since we all pine after the top autographs of the newest players as soon as new sets are released, I thought I would go over some of the best and worst of the 2008 class - so far.

Last year's class was a "B" at best. We had good autos like Peterson and Brady Quinn, and VERY bad autos like Lawrence Timmons and other nobodys who probably understood that it would be pretty pointless to sign nicely because their cards would eventually end up in everyone's bargain bin. Then we have Josh Wilson of the Seahawks who decided that despite his role as a back up special teams guy, he had to sign everything "the truth." Well Josh, $.50 - that’s about as truthy as you will get as to your value to this hobby.

This year, we have a class that I would say is about average. Example A, Matt Ryan has a beautiful auto, my compliments to him and his family. Rashard Mendenhall, on the other hand, has the auto of someone who failed 3rd grade art class. I may avoid his cards all together if he is going to be signing like that all year - what is he thinking? As for creativity, Jake Long and Booty-licious have gimmicky cool autos like Sidney Rice's new one. Bootycall may have scored a 10 on the wonderlic, but he gets better grade here. At least he can write.



Ryan (Picture: A Grade: A)
McFadden (Picture: B Grade: B+)
J Long (Picture: C Grade: B)
Mendenhall (Picture: D Grade: F)
DeSean Jackson (Picture: E Grade: B)
Devin Thomas (Picture: F Grade: B-)
Booty (Picture: G Grade: B)
Brohm (Picture: H Grade B+)

Im sure we will get another Timmons or *gasp* Morency this year too, I just havent looked hard enough to find it yet. Regardless, nothing pisses the fuck out of me more than pulling an auto and seeing the guy fail to even produce initials. As a lesson to the slackers, I know you have a lot of cards to sign, but take the extra effort and give us something to remember you by (other than a few tackles in a preseason 4th quarter). So to those who dont I have this to say:

To Morency: Fuck You!
To Timmons: Fuck You!
To Brandon Marshall : Fuck You!
To Tiki and Ronde Barber of the Autograph hall of fame: You're Cool!
To Josh "the Truth" Wilson: Fuck you!

Im outta here.


  1. I agree Timmons auto sucks. A nobody is a stretch. Hurt all last year except 2 games. Will be a Starter for the Steelers in his 3rd year. Could start for the Vikings now
    -wheeler281 :)

  2. Sorry, my writing got the wrong point across. I meant to say that timmons has a bad auto and there are nobodys in the 2007 sets who do too. My bad - but yes, he could start for the Vikes.