Clean Your Plate!

Ahh, the printing plate. The hobby's runt version of a 1/1, created to lure more collectors into buying cheap products. Let me express how stupid I think inserting printing plates in packs is. Why do I want this piece of trash - literally - that you want to call a 1/1? Fine, slap an auto on it, surely it becomes more desirable but still less so to me than a normal auto'ed card.



Right now there are hundreds of printing plates listed on the world's greatest marketplace - most of which have an abundance of exclamation points in the title. These things usually sell for some cash, especially if it has an auto stickered to it. That baffles me as to why people want this colorless display of your favorite player. First off, it is not a 1/1. At best it is a 1/4, but when triple threads does it, the plates are 1/16. This is because each card requires 4 colors to generate color photography, black, yellow, cyan, and one other color (depending on the process). They use the plates, one after the other to put the colors into place on the card during the printing. Eventually after all the layers are applied, the photo is color, and everyone is happy. Funny enough, the plates you get in the packs are pretty clean considering what they are used for. Plus, as stated before, who says these things are actually used (remember, all is not what it seems).



Ebay sellers want you to think that these "cards" are the bee's knees, but in all reality, they are just another way to further the spread of the 1/1. BMB people often refer to these pulls as the m-word and I think they are fucking idiots. Printing plates arent even completed cards, and they sure as hell arent pretty. I remember UD took it a step further with 2006 Ultimate football, when they had the actual card with a cut out of the plate underneath. This was so ugly that I wouldnt touch them with someone else's 10 foot pole. What's worse is I think I even saw a Mantle cut auto printing plate out of co-signers one year that made me question why the fuck they cut up a Mantle document for this fugly piece of shit.

There really are very few times where they actually work, and I wish that companies would think twice before sending these out with the products. Why not fill the set with cards that are actually good looking, creative, and worth my time. THAT would be an idea to bank on.

The New Garden of Eden

Gents, I have found my new favorite box break boards to browse when I am bored, and it is a Mojo-less paradise. Everyone's favorite online wax supplier has their own message board where people actually hate the word as much as I do. Anyone who uses that worthless expression of a good pull is promptly reminded to never use it again. I cant tell you how pleasing that is. I dont care if its not updated as much as the Beckett boards, people on there dont spend anytime on their posts other than writing what they got in their boxes. Its literally heaven.

Proud member since 2005:

The Best of the BMB - Kill Me Now

I think I have encountered the worst Beckett Board thread title in the history of thread titles. Women who are pregnant or nursing should shield their eyes. Here you go:

3 packs 07/08 bowman sterling......SUPERMANJO!!!!!!!!!

Let me break this one down, because I will now have to spend the next 2 hours cleaning up my Family Guy Ipicac Puke. First off, using the word "mojo" makes you a douchebag, and it should never be used. Secondly combining the word with an excessive use of exclamation points makes you an ignorant douchebag with a death wish (there are 9 above). Thirdly, combining a player's name with Mojo and using the exclamation point like you are hitting the morphine button on your IV drip, makes you an ignorant douchebag with a death wish that may not have passed kindergarten. Lastly, combining a player's stupid ass nickname derived from a costume worn while doing an awful layup in a slam dunk competition with Mojo and using the exclamation point like you will get a 1up for every time you hit it, makes you the ignorant message board douchebag of the century. Pat your 13 year old self on the back. Congrats.

(NOTE: My respect level for Dwight Howard was zero immediately after he expressed his goal in the NBA: to have the league put a Christian cross in their logo. It went lower than zero when he put on the Superman costume in reference to the worst song in recent and non recent memory, rather than the comic character.)

Excommunication is Better Than One Would Think...

It turns out that the mods on the beckett boards read this site, I find that very funny. What isn’t funny is that they banned me for good for having this wonderful fuck and shit filled paradise. Im fine with the situation because I know that I have more fun writing this blog than I do posting over there. Thank you to one of my three loyal readers for that.

For the mods, I don’t regret the decision that having a site where I don’t have to deal with your stupid dictatorship. Personally, that is much more important that having the ability to post on your family friendly forums. I guess i found out the hard way that posting text saying that this site was up and running was a little to racy for the 1950’s time capsule that is the BMB. “Hey Paw, lets go down to the fishing hole and catch us some supper!”

The best part of this – it all started over Mojo. Yes, people actually cared enough to fight for this overused and asinine display of card pulls. As discussed before, I believe the term has about as much worth as a breakfast buffet in a whore house, but I guess worshipping the Mojo god is worth more to them than simple dignity.

Either way, Im done playing leave it to beaver over there, and I will be continuing to post here so that people can see the soft underbelly of this hobby.

I think this borders on the dumbest thing ever.

Okay, this was brought up on the Beckett boards.

Someone found this card up for auction on eBay. Im not going to post the link because I dont want this guy to get any more clicks. So instead ill post the pic here:



Now, it was brought up that this card is not real because of the obvious inclusion of a patch in a stated jersey card, the bidders being kept private, and the guy being a known faker. The funniest was that it is obviously a 2006 all star game patch in a 2005 product, and that Lopez hasnt been an all-star since 2003 - all hilariously stupid slip-ups. What's even worse is that someone will bid on this card. Now, it isnt going to go for hundreds - I HOPE - but it may go for 10 bucks more than it would normally.

Something that makes me wonder about the future of the patch faking industry (yes, it has sadly become an industry):

-Pack of Prime Patches: 30 bucks
-Cost of the All Star Patch: 4-6 bucks (after shipping)
-Supplies needed for faking: 2 bucks
-Final value of card after fake: 10 bucks?
-eBay fees: 2 bucks
-Social cost of being the guy who just lost 20 bucks on faking a Javy Lopez card: Infinite

This is great. Almost as great as seeing an inside the park home run in person.

Pray...for...MOJO

I swear to God, every time I see a thread with the word "MOJO" in it, I throw up a little in my mouth. In fact, it has its own sliding scale of barf:

- Plain "MOJO" = Mouth puke
- "MOJO!!!" = Brush your teeth its bad mouth puke (+1 second of brushing for each exclamation point)
- "Peterson-jo, Jordan-jo, Kurt Rambis-jo" = Full on Family Guy on ipicac puke


Superman wears Kurt Rambis pajamas to bed.

Yeah, its gotten that bad people. My normal person brain just cant function when I see "OMFG PETERSON-JO X8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" as someone's title to their break. Have we gotten that uncreative? I mean, titling the thread "A pull that has me jumping up and down ALL DAY" is really lame, but for god's sake I would take it any day of the week over the other. In my opinion, unless you are talking about Homer Simpson's helper monkey - lets let it die people!


OH MY GOD! Mojo! WHAT HAVE THEY DONE TO YOU!

One of my other gripes is that people use the exclamation point like it is the button that gives you more morphine in the hospital after surgery. Like more people will come into the thread the more exclamation points. Then, when you do go in, just to see if he did pull the Payton cut signature you think he did, its only a card that doesnt even cover the cost of the box! I know, Im a nitpicker. Listen, if you do pull a Payton Cut that cool, ill let it slide - ONCE.

Just to give you a better example of why this term needs to go faster than "drop it like its hot," ill cite an experience with my dear old mom a few days ago. I told her I busted a box of SPA as the last UD box I would ever break, after explaining the whole debacle with Beckett. Immediately, as if on cue, she asked, "Well, did you at least pull any MOJO?" My jaw hit the fucking floor.

Lets put this into perspective. You can either sound like an experienced collector and name your break what it should be "(Box Title) (Year) (Sport) - Great Pull!" or you can sound like a thirteen year old with a keyboard and a cell phone in each hand.

Choose wisely - ill be lurking!