Two Unbelievable Auctions, I Cant Stop Laughing

Well, since every single person and their mother uses Beckett to sell their shit, Im not suprised that they got these two cards. Both cards are amazing, really huge pulls that have the possibility of breaking $15K. However, a few things about these auctions make me laugh really fucking hard.

The first card is one of the Hair Cut cards I discussed a few posts back, with this one being the best of the best. The cut is nice, the hair is creepy, but overall, its not suprising to see it reach the price it did because of the circumstances. The funny thing about this auction is that the card has a 5 cm piece of the hair. At least the Washington card had a good strand, this one, however, is crap - despite it being weirdly included in a baseball card set. Again, a piece of our country's history is destroyed for profit.

The second is a 1/1 Mantle Bat Barrell that was out of Topps Sterling. Besides it being sold by Beckett, this auction screams "I AM THE STUPIDEST PERSON IN THE HISTORY OF CARD COLLECTING!" about its seller. Let me elaborate: first mistake, this fucking idiot sent his prized pull to the hobby's number one source on douchebaggery. Good idea, idiot. Secondly he had them slab it in this fucking "ROZDUCKULOUS" case because its obvious the foldout cards are beyond Beckett's capabilities. Big suprise there. Lastly, Topps couldnt include some game used jersey in this card? Instead they used some stark white old timer game jersey? Cmon, that is fucking stupid. However, the funniest thing about this idiot and his card? He had them grade it.

Let me repeat that so you get the full gist of this.

HE HAD THEM GRADE HIS 1/1 MICKEY MANTLE BAT BARRELL CARD. Please, someone, tell me why he decided to do this? If the slab wasnt funny enough, his card is forever a 7.5 for all to see. Did he think it would be worth more as a 9.5? Who fucking cares! This could be the dumbest thing I have ever seen, no doubt. Just to remind you, if you grade a 1/1, you deserve to be shot.

Book Value Is The Bane Of My Universe

I really hate to devote more time to something like my crusade against "book value," but I am so angry over something that just happened, that I can barely function.

I was trading online with a guy that had a card I have been looking for FOREVER, when the unthinkable happened. I had a card he desperately wanted, as well, something that I know was not going to surface on TWGM anytime soon. Both cards are relatively valuable to everyone, but more so to us, due to the people we like. I thought a straight up deal would be great considering how rare both of the cards were, but I had no idea that he had something heinous in his repetoir. When he dropped the idiot bomb, the trade floundered and I almost did a Family Guy puke. BOOM, the I-bomb takes out my dream of owning this card.

Actual text from our conversation - SCU will be me, IBOMB will be him:

SCU - So you ready to go on this? I am so happy I found someone who was willing to trade for the card!
IBOMB - Yeah, no shit, I have been looking for this since 2 years ago. Yo, just one last thing though. My card books at $100, yours is only at $50, is there any way we could even this out?
SCU - Why, they both sell for about the same on eBay, what is the problem?
IBOMB - I trade by BV
SCU - Besides the fact that this is completely ridiculous, considering how much we both need the other's cards, go ahead and see if there is anything else I can add.
IBOMB - I don’t really see anything I need, can you throw in some paypal?
SCU - Sorry, money is tight right now, cant do it.
IBOMB - Ok, well, thanks for trying, I think Ill pass.
SCU - You are going to give up on a card you want because some book told you that yours is worth more, despite the obvious fact that it sells at similar price?
IBOMB - If I wanted to go by SV I would go on eBay
SCU - eBay is the true price guide anyway
IBOMB - whatever, it changes daily.
SCU - Yes, but the prices are still relatively similar. Its not like a 50 dollar sale turns into 600 the next day, it may go to 53 or 47, but those are still ball park.
IBOMB - Sorry, people screw each other using eBay values to trade
SCU - You know, im done with you, congrats on trashing a good trade. I hope one day you stop being such a fundamentalist. You may actually realize that eBay is the only value you should worry about.

SCU Signed off 10:16pm

Let me reinterate a few different things here. First being that book value is the worst possible way to determine the true value of a card. Last time I went over all the ways that BV is wrong, and it still pisses me off when people quote it like the bible. The general collecting public is the most asshat filled group in the history of man, only because they refuse to understand that the ways of the old are out of date. In a day where magazines and newspapers are on their way out, people still think Beckett is the end all and be all of card pricing, even though there is a free place to look where money is no good. I cant believe this douche let the card he wanted go because some guide created by people who enjoy skinning puppies told him it was worth more than it was. I even played along! I fed in to this guy's insanity!

I just wanted to tell him that creating a price guide as a monthly publication for a volitile product is like putting a price guide on stocks as a monthly publication. I mean, much like eBay is the TWGM for cards, the stock market is a similar place for the companies that are traded. Would you go by a book's value of the stocks or the true market value? I swear, don’t say eBay is fickle and it changes - that’s common for a lot of products. Smart people know that steady value of any commodity is a myth, so shove that crap up your Beckett loving ass.

Another common thing on the pulse these days is people complaining that Beckett has changed their format. Instead of once per month, they now publish bi-monthly with less info on cards. Like it fucking matters how often Tracy "Bratz" Hackler takes out his pricing hat and draws out the book values for the month. Yet, for some reason, people are pissed because they cant see how much their card is worth to some cock-spackler with a buzzcut every month. Whats even worse is that with the online price guide, Beckett actually has the tools to circulate an eBay based price guide. But, like the magazine, the OPG is only updated monthly, and it costs more money to subscribe to. Plus, those assholes are too self absorbed to even entertain the fact that they may be the idiots that we know they are.

Now, I found my trader on a message board of seemingly informed people, yet he still is one of those ass spelunkers who trades by BV instead of SV or even just need for the card. Need is all that was important to me, but the money grubber had his own monetary interests in his side. How shitty is that? Ill be sure to cite book value as one of the main reasons I stopped collecting, if and when that happens.

Captain Cheesburger Strikes Again

Annnnnnnnnnd the Twins lose again. This time to my least favorite player in the whole fucking league. People wonder why I hate Sabathia so much, but the truth is pretty simple: he is a big fat baby.

It seems like every time they play, Sabathia takes it upon himself to display just how big of a big fat baby he really is. The first time this happened was 4 years ago when Sabathia was a newer guy, and was pitching with the most annoying crooked hat ever allowed in major league baseball. I kept telling my buddy that if you want to display your ghetto fashion, a baseball uniform is not the place. Of course, Ronnie Belliard was also on the team... in cornrows... with a doo-rag... AND a crooked hat, so the Indians were by far my least favorite minor league team. Anyways, in one of the early innings, 3 consecutive Twins batters tried to lay down bunt hits - a great strategy against the Kevin Duckworth of the MLB, right? Sabathia, in his BFB nature, was adamant that running as a pitcher was unacceptable and decided to take action. Unfortunately for Dustin Mohr, he was next at the plate. He took a 95 mph fastball in the hand and was out for the rest of the year. Why? Because Sabathia is a big fat baby.


Jhonny better run, he is about to be dinner.

A year later, after a much publicized Sabathia return to the dome, Torii Hunter expressed that he and Jacque Jones were friends with him and that it was always a good time to beat up on him due to friendly competition. I never looked at Hunter with the same eyes again. A friend? Pffft. Fart on that.

This time, in the late innings of the game, both the Twins and Indians had put three runs on the board, and the Twins were threatening with the bases loaded. Guess who comes to the plate? Torriius Hunterton, Indian Killah. Sabathia was well over 100 pitches and it was clear his stuff was failing him at the moment having walked a few batters before Hunter. Torii proceeded to launch a rocket double off the baggie in right, scoring all three and putting the Twins up for good. Again, because Sabathia is a big fat baby, someone had to take the brunt of the "friendly competition." Sadly, it was rookie Justin Morneau, who, being the last left handed hitter for a while, was an obvious choice to be Sabathia's last batter with the bases empty. The sound of the fastball hitting Morneau in the wrist was suprisingly sickening. Morneau goes on the 15 day DL while Sabathia is ejected.

You would think that after two times, and a scathing article in the Star Trib that things would stop. Umm no. Every year the Twins and Sabathia face off because of the awful idea to let the teams play 19 games against each division rival. Each time, something pisses off Captain Cheeseburger, and each time, someone gets a fastball in the gut (or head). Last night, Matt Macri, someone who had never faced Sabathia before, laid down a bunt single. After walking, out of breath, back to the mound, Sabathia faced speedy Carlos Gomez, another rookie. Gomez tried to bunt on 0-1 and missed it foul, but that didn’t stop the BFB from throwing at him next pitch. Unlike his bretheren before him, Gomez was quick enough to get out of the way - see here. The Indians announcers laughed and said that he hates being bunted on. NO SHIT - DEAL WITH IT YOU DOUCHE. Its not like they are cheating, corking bats, or even throwing at Indians. They are playing the game, and Gomez leads the league in bunt singles. In BFB's mind: KILL HIM!

I hate you Sabathia, I hope you and your stupid big fat ass are traded to Milwaukee, that would be poetic justice.

Your Bad Hit May Not Be So Bad! What?!?

When you pull a hit out of your favorite product, usually its going to suck, unless you work for Beckett. Yet, those hits may be the key to the future of the sports autograph collectibles industry, believe it or not.

Let me explain:

Right now, if you go to UDA or Steiner to buy a piece of memorabilia, you will have to pay for the market price of the autograph plus the market cost of the authentication name on the certificate. Usually, the authentication is worth more than the signature itself, mostly because of one cold hard fact: 80-90% of the autographs available on the internet are fake. Due to the number of scam artists out there, even PSA slabbed stuff is not safe for the average person anymore. On the other hand, despite the above fact, no one will question an auto'ed sports card as long as it was meant to be one. Thousands upon thousands of auto cards end up on the secondary market each day, and most collectors (with a few exceptions) believe that there is no question as to the authenticity of the player's signature. Due to the awful state of the market, as real autographs become harder and harder to prove as authentic, I see a growth in the worth of the standard auto cards of today. Its crazy to think about that now, but the donkey rapers out there are coming up with some fucked up ways to make money, and eventually PSA authentication will mean about as much as a scoreboard letter of authenticity. You saw that news report that said they got a fake through the JSA people, right?


This football was 100% guaranteed to pass authentication. It wont.

To tell you the truth, it really blows a goat that most people are only out there to make money, regardless of who they hurt in the process. They don’t care if the fake auto of Alex Rodriguez you bought hangs on your child's wall, because to them, all they see is $$$$$.

Just as an example, I had an autograph of Vince Carter that my dad gave me for my birthday a long time ago. Being a UNC grad, my dad got caught up in the vinsanity and it rubbed off on me too. Of course, my dad wasn’t as versed in the ways of the donkey raper as I am now, so he bought from some guy who had a cool picture signed in bold silver pen. He paid to have it framed, and it hung on my wall until last year. Around graduation from college, I went back and took a look at it. I realized right away what my dad had bought, and I was so pissed that I threw my suitcase across the room. I wasn’t mad at my dad, I was mad at the guy who felt that scamming people out of their hard earned money was more important than dignity - something that has become commonplace in the market.

People ask me why my view of humanity is inherantly bad, and the reason is quite simple. Humans only care about one thing in general and its being better than the next guy. By most societal standards that means having more money, and they will not stop until they have the maximum available. For most people, its not an issue to make money the correct way, but for others, a quick buck is more tempting than sex. These people know its easy to create and sell fake autos when you arent seeing the buyer face to face (sometimes even if you are!). They also know that its easy to pull the one color jersey out of the DLP card and put in a logo patch. They for sure have no doubt that someone will pay to buy it, because there is a sucker born every minute. Funny enough, this happens in every industry because people are never hestitant to take advantage of a simple customer with no knowledge - double if you are a woman. Whether its mechanics, car salesman, drug reps, even politicians (especially politicians), they all have their bad apples.

Because of the nature of this argument, eventually cards may be the only reliable source for autographs. That is a scary fact, ladies and gents, especially with people like Beckett and UD out there doing basically the same thing as the donkey rapers. Lets hope that somewhere down the road a great enlightenment happens and these guys take it in the ass. That would be awesome.

Heave the Hawk

Oh my god Ken "Hawk" Harrelson is the worst play by play announcer in the history of Major League Baseball. At least Joe Morgan and Tim McCarver are color guys, so you dont have to listen to them talk for three fucking hours. I can barely watch the Twins game right now because they are using the stupidity of the decade broadcast rather than Dick and Bert from the Twins.

I dont know whether its because he refers to the White Sox as "We" and the away team as "Them" (something that no other broadcaster does), his constant referral of the Sox by their first name and the away team by their last name, or if its his repetoir of tired mannerisms like "he gone" and "you can put it on the booooooooaaaaarrrrrddd, YES!"

He just bothers the living fuck out of me, and dont say its because Im a Twins fan - I would hate him more if it was my home town broadcast team.

Go to Heave the Hawk and see that I am not the only one.

Why Even Try?

I want to rant a little here, shocking I know, about something I have had a rash of problems with on the world's greatest marketplace lately. As of last year, the new feature of Buy It Now or Best Offer has become a staple of the card industry on eBay. What it also created was a showcase for people to basically show off the huge cards they have while demanding ridiculous prices for them. Whether its a full set of 03-04 NBA Exquisite RC patches or PSA 10 Alex Rodriguez RC, people have decided its better to let the people come to them rather than letting them fight it out in a bidding war.

Best Example EVER! 1,000,000? HA!

Right now there are 3 or 4 cards I have been looking for with no avail. One of them happened to pop up on eBay a few weeks ago with a major, MAJOR, problem. The guy put a BIN w/ BO at $100 dollars over true market value. When I offered more than market value for it, he declined in 10 minutes. What is the point of paying for the listing fees when you know you wont give it away at the expected price? The answer is that there are a lot of people who put cards up without the expectation of a sale. I cant understand this, but it happens so often that I want to punch eBay in the babymaker. Why even bother with spending the time and money if you wont let the card go?

I had a similar situation with an All Day auto from last year that I had been looking for. I offered the guy 20 dollars more than market value to make sure he wouldnt decline, and of course, he declined with extreme predjudice. His reason? "DUDE! This guy is going to be a beast next year. Do you really think I am going to give it away to you now when I can get 100 dollars more next year?"

My response:

"Then why arent you selling it next year?"

His response:

"Someone out there will pay next years price right now!"

At this point I stopped. Is this really worth my time? Fuck no, but it seems like so many people are expecting big things to happen when they go with this option. I know that this special auction format works well a lot of the time, but not when you are just baiting people. I have used it countless times to make sure I am not undercut by an auction that sells low - however, unlike these idiots, I never turn down the expected market value. It sucks for me because then I have to sit around and wait for someone to actually provide the card in a way that I can buy it, instead of looking at eBay like someone's photobucket account.

Basically, it blows chunks that people use this hobby as a way to make money. I know I do on occasion, but I always re-buy other cards with the money I made, and I never expect to make a dime of my favorite cards. Right now it seems like there are a lot of people who expect to make millions.

At It Again

As much as I hate to labor on one particular person, I really find myself more and more stupified each time I read Ben Henry's blog. He tries to create these ideas which he thinks everyone will jump onto, when in reality its just all a big ego trip. I think of him as the "Barney Stinson" of the blogosphere.



His new post describes what he calls the "Gimmick Card Era" in sports collecting. He spends most of the post talking about how tiresome these cards are, and spends the other part how he thinks they are "fun."

"Gimmick cards, when handled individually, are fun. Whether a dopey parody, a card written in Japanese or an obviously doctored photo, it's fun to get a card that's different from the rest of the set."



No, gimmick cards are lame, plain and simple. Not only because their nature is a dumb attempt to lure people into buying an otherwise shitty set, but also because the jokes are worse than Carrot Top at a church sponsored show. Now, this has only happened in two of the lowest end products in collecting, so I would hardly call it an "ERA." Granted those sets are widely collected, but it is far from widespread. I would more likely call it a "gauge the public reaction before we strike out for good" experiment.

Oh, wait, my bad, I totally forgot! You actually liked the squirrel card from last year, and you were pissed when your collection of them became worthless on eBay. I guess that excuses this all. Go about your business folks, nothing to see here.

Except this:



*Shudders*

Be sure to check out Chris at Stale Gum , Charlie at Hawk to the Hall, and Mario at Wax Heaven, because they have written extensively on their hatred for these cards. Chris even dropped some f-bombs, something that suprised me a little, but I guess thats how much he hated these fucking things.

I Am Really Sick of East Coast Teams/Fans, Part 2

For those of you who havent seen the recent all star game balloting update on MLB.com, a Yankee or a Red Sox player leads the vote in each goddamned category. Fucking gross if you ask me, considering that this game actually counts for something.

Let me tell you something. Jason Varitek should not be the top vote getter for AL catchers, nor should Ivan Rodriguez. But, since the average 9 year old is still allowed to vote, and because the average baseball fan is a blithering idiot, he leads by a good margin. I would pick Napoli, Mauer, and 3 other guys before I would waste my vote on those guys. Ivan Rodriguez isnt even batting .270!


Youkilis commits error, needs new pants.

Youkilis is having a great year, but he should not be leading by over 200,000+ votes. Not a chance. Same with Pedroia and ESPECIALLY Derek Jeter. I know Jeter prevented a plane crash last week by piloting the team plane to a smooth landing from 35,000 feet, but he is not even close the top shortstop in the AL. Calm eyes aside. Also, sidebar, Jason Giambi has 3 place in the vote for AL 1B, I want to kill myself.

If this exhibition game is going to count, which it shouldnt as an exhibition game, fans should be taken out of it. I say to let the managers pick their rosters because the fans have no clue, and when I mean no clue, I mean NO FUCKING CLUE who to start.

Based on VORP and EqA, here is who should be starting:

CF - Josh Hamilton
LF - Carlos Quentin
RF - Magglio Ordonez (May actually be a starter)
1B - Kevin Youkilis (Morneau leads EqA w/ Youk a close second)
2B - Ian Kinsler
3B - Carlos Guillen
SS - Michael Young
C - Joe Mauer
DH - Milton Bradley

Ill take this team, you guys take your Yankees/Red Sox hybrid. We'll see who wins.

This is Beyond Ridiculous Pt 2: Even More Ridiculous?

After reading the second part to "For the Love of Sitting Around and Flipping Through a Price Guide" I might just stop going to baseball card shops all together, just to spite this guy. Holy fucking shit, man! The Baseball Card Blog (no link on purpose), has created a world where Baseball Cards have ceased to exist all because, wait - sit down for this, price guides have stopped their publication. It begins with the descripion of a pure utopia in collecting (my commentary, fire joe morgan style in italics):

"Here’s the situation. The list prices in price guides have been deemed useless on such a massive scale that Beckett and FW have ceased their publication. With no widely available prices, the majority of collectors now consult eBay for accurate card prices."

I love it. No longer will a douchebag ridden magazine set the prices for the 50% of uneducated idiots that still consult beckett for prices.

"Dealers do the same. And after they view the umpteenth autographed patch 1/1 card go for less than $20–pulled from a box that dealers paid a premium on to sell–they stop ordering high-end products from the manufacturers. The dealers understand that if they’re seeing these auctions on eBay, their potential customers are winning them."

Ba-what? Dealers who see the card pulled from a 500 dollar box stop ordering wax because their customers cant sell their pulls for a lot of money? How hasnt the customer part not happened already? I guarantee that the dealers will not stop ordering boxes because people are going to eBay to sell what they get. You know why? It already happens every fucking day, you arrogant ass. Dealers like Northridge Sports Cards and Santa Monica Sports Cards make their bread and butter selling boxes where people pull nothing and sell them for nothing. Do they fucking care that their customers cant sell them for shit on eBay? Sure, but only on a personal level. What they care about is that it has become more convenient for their customers to buy WAX on eBay rather than paying INFLATED prices at a shop. Once again, Im sorry that it sucks you cant spend 30 minutes bullshitting with Blowout Cards, but it is a necessary evil. Despite this trend, both the shops are doing fine. Seriously, if your shop is relying on singles to function, they NEED to go down with the ship.

"So many dealers stop ordering these cards that the manufacturers have a difficult decision to make: finally listen to dealers and put more value in each box of product, or dismiss dealers altogether and work exclusively with big box stores like Target, Kmart and Wal-Mart. It comes as no surprise when the manufacturers go with the latter choice."

This could be the worst paragraph ever written in the history of sports card blogs. Manufacturers will never go with the second choice because Target, Kmart and Wal-mart will NEVER, EVER, EEEEEEEVAAAR pay 500 bucks for a box of cards. They have flat screens and plasmas to sell rather than that bullshit. I would see UD and DLP sell to eBay directly before they do this.

Upper Deck to Target: Umm, yeah, we want to market Exquisite directly to Target.
Target: Sounds great, how much does it cost?
Upper Deck: At cost, about 400 bucks a box. You would probably want to mark it up to 599.
Target: *Click*
Upper Deck: Hello? Hello?

You dont think they have enough problems with security and shrink on their current stock? Now they gotta worry about protecting this shit, let alone SELLING it to collectors like me that would MUCH rather buy it from a trusted source without weirdo 50 year old men fondling our prized investment every 5 minutes...Ugh, it gets worse.

"Because the majority of shops deal primarily in new cards, they start to close. Collectors don’t notice right away, as most of them are tuned to eBay. And besides, the hobby’s gone through this before and survived, so what’s the big deal? Also, everybody’s got a Wal-Mart near them, so who cares if one more shop goes out of business? Shops sell off their inventory and shutter."

Again, this has already happened, but guess what? Shops are still open. Ebay is currently the hobby's biggest card shop. Other shops survive because they have found innovative ways to stay open and because they know what to sell: WAX and lots of it.

"Dealers at baseball card shows don’t feel the same pressure right away, though many of them do feel their brethren’s plight. Instead, without book prices to consult on every transaction, desperate, frenetic dealers result to using their best judgment. Collectors, fully aware of the situation dealers are in, refuse to be charged “judgment call prices.” Many dealers, citing lack of meaningful sales at shows, stop booking booths. What few shows remain shrink in attendance until they cease to exist. The National is the lone exception, chugging away, though it’s a magnet for news media to lament the hobby crisis. “Ain’t in the Card$,” is the New York Post headline."

Or better yet, dealers use eBay prices and collectors finally find a great marketplace - outside of the scam ridden internet - to buy their cards. Or even better than that, Dealers, who have paid eBay prices to get their cards, stop marking it up and decide to open shops rather than booking tables at shows and sell their cards back to the collector on ebay. Now, because the New York Post would never write such and awful headline, nor post an article on collecting with this as its subject, I wont even address it.

"Without dealers, the manufacturers are no longer in the dominant bargaining position. They’re at the whim of the big box stores. Product’s gonna be late? OK, we’re diminishing your shelf space. The manufacturers are not used to their role as ‘just another product.’ What happened to all those dealers they used to push around?"

I dont understand the point of this. So without dealers they decide to stop producing despite having a perfectly good marketplace in eBay where they can still make the same, if not more, money? This is pure dribble. I dont even know where to go. Oh, but wait, there's STILL MORE!

"If I haven’t given my critics enough fodder already, here’s some more:

• The future of the hobby most certainly will not play out the way I’ve got it, though certain aspects of it are very close to happening now."

Trust me, you have given me a gold mine of material. However, thanks for acknowledging that your above written was basically a practice in stupidity and was not worth the space it was printed on (nothing).

"• No matter how much we distrust the prices within price guides, they’re essential to the well being of the hobby. If you’ve got a plan for injecting realistic card values into the hobby without killing hobby shops and show dealers off, please, I’m all ears."

First of all, they are FAR from "essential." They are a way for a magazine to justify their worthless existence on the planet. Other than that, price guides are worth less than nothing to the hobby. As for the second part, do you enjoy paying inflated prices for your cards? Why are you set on keeping shops and dealers in this hobby if they continue to sell you cards at twice the price you can get on a true free marketplace? I love the way you support dealers and shops PAYING eBay prices to get their cards but selling them to you at double.

My plan? Hobby shops should get out of singles. Period. Then, they should focus on selling two things: guaranteed autographed memorabilia and wax. I say this because wax prices are the only thing that eBay cant guarantee as the lowest price. With shipping prices at 10 dollars plus, stores can compete with using their own mark ups. As for guaranteed memorabilia, eBay cannot compete due to scams. Fake autos are so rampant, Im weary of even buying PSA/DNA authenticated stuff anymore. Shops have the ability to get their own materials and and get them auto'ed. Buy from PSA and other authentic sources and save me the trouble of going through places I dont trust for my auto'ed stuff.

"• One last thing: I wanted to work graded cards into this somehow, but never found a good spot. If raw singles aren’t really worth their book value, what about graded cards? I know that entire price guides cater to graded specimen, but will/should these prices be combined with prices for unslabbed cards? Or would that negate the values assigned to those that have been slabbed? Also, why does it feel to me that dealing in graded cards is going to be what saves shop owners and show dealers?"

This whole "one last thing" makes no sense, but what else is new? Graded cards are pretty much one big conflict of interest to begin with. Besides, it was solely created as a mechanism for, *gasp*, eBay and the like. It protected the buyer from unforseen........oh forget it. Just look here and here.

I know its against my better judgement to take on one of the biggest blogs out there, but still, who wants to put up with this shit? I hope the sheep dont take what he says as gospel. Just to set a precedent: after this, I will not be reading his blog without a very strong bias, and I encourage you to do the same.

As collectors we are thrown to the wolves almost daily by the very sources that are sworn to be our advocates. Why is this guy supporting everyone's enemy? His platform supports paying higher prices because it keeps the good ole days in tact, it supports price guides because they supposedly provide a non-existant backbone to the hobby, and lastly it supports underhanded dealers and shops who do their best to scam you out of your hard earned money because they dont have any.

Thank you, Woody Paige of sports card collecting, you have opened my eyes!!

This Is Beyond Ridiculous

I was reading through a few blogs today and I came across a post at The Baseball Card Blog that I thought was one of the most arrogant, non-collector friendly articles I have ever read on a sports card blog. His post titled "For The Love of Sitting Around and Flipping Through a Price Guide" took the stance that price guides are necessary to help keep the hobby in check, if not only so your local mom and pop card store wont go out of business competing with big bad eBay.

Let me reinterate what I have said countless numbers of times on this blog - BOOK VALUE IS FUCKING USELESS. We should be thankful to have a free enterprise marketplace on eBay that allows us to find the TRUE MARKET VALUE of any single card we want. Want to know what your 1/1 logo patch is worth? All you have to do is put it up and watch for 5 days.

My favorite paragraphs from the article (not altered):

"I'll admit, that's a dire read on today's hobby, but let's examine the situation. The hobby doesn't need price guides to exist, and yet would be chaotic without them. Beckett and FW Publications (publisher of Tuff Stuff) provide infrastructure for the secondary market. Dealers consult them when setting prices. You want to see a world without the consultation of book prices? Look no further than eBay.

With its low prices and open-source approach to assigning realistic value to cards and memorabilia, it's the new face of the hobby. It's slowly killing independent in-shop dealers. It's taken the bottom out of the value of game-used, relic, auto and other seemingly hard-to-find cards. That Poley Walnuts insert of the squirrel at Yankee Stadium from last year's Topps? Tuff Stuff has it at $40. Here are two eBay auctions: one's at $1.25, the other at $0.99."

Give me a motherfucking break. Chaotic without price guides? Youre worried about a squirrel card? I just threw up in my mouth, that is the dumbest thing I have ever fucking read. Listen buddy, I know your favorite store may not be able to hold up selling 1980-1990 rookie cards at full book, but that is the way of the world now. Other ebay competitive industries are adapting fine, and both of my local stores are doing fine selling what dealers should be selling - WAX. It sucks that you cant have a good ole half hour conversation with your ebay seller about the state of the hobby, but I am damn glad that I dont have to pay double what a card is ACTUALLY worth. Its a trade off I am glad to take.

The New Garden of Eden

Gents, I have found my new favorite box break boards to browse when I am bored, and it is a Mojo-less paradise. Everyone's favorite online wax supplier has their own message board where people actually hate the word as much as I do. Anyone who uses that worthless expression of a good pull is promptly reminded to never use it again. I cant tell you how pleasing that is. I dont care if its not updated as much as the Beckett boards, people on there dont spend anytime on their posts other than writing what they got in their boxes. Its literally heaven.

Proud member since 2005:

Argh! My Eyes!

I cant...type...brain...exploding.....this card....makes....no sense...arghhssdkfjsdfj.

God, I dont even know where to start. Sweet Shot Baseball Signatures? If anyone can tell me who green lighted cards like this, please, I will go and kick them in the nuts. I guess thats all I have to say about this piece of shit fugly design.

The Best of the BMB - Kill Me Now

I think I have encountered the worst Beckett Board thread title in the history of thread titles. Women who are pregnant or nursing should shield their eyes. Here you go:

3 packs 07/08 bowman sterling......SUPERMANJO!!!!!!!!!

Let me break this one down, because I will now have to spend the next 2 hours cleaning up my Family Guy Ipicac Puke. First off, using the word "mojo" makes you a douchebag, and it should never be used. Secondly combining the word with an excessive use of exclamation points makes you an ignorant douchebag with a death wish (there are 9 above). Thirdly, combining a player's name with Mojo and using the exclamation point like you are hitting the morphine button on your IV drip, makes you an ignorant douchebag with a death wish that may not have passed kindergarten. Lastly, combining a player's stupid ass nickname derived from a costume worn while doing an awful layup in a slam dunk competition with Mojo and using the exclamation point like you will get a 1up for every time you hit it, makes you the ignorant message board douchebag of the century. Pat your 13 year old self on the back. Congrats.

(NOTE: My respect level for Dwight Howard was zero immediately after he expressed his goal in the NBA: to have the league put a Christian cross in their logo. It went lower than zero when he put on the Superman costume in reference to the worst song in recent and non recent memory, rather than the comic character.)

To Infinity, AND BEYOND!

I just got back home to Minneapolis tonight for the first time in about six months. I sat and looked at my DVR and went through my episodes of the office and family guy and saw that I had also taped the episode of Costas Now where sports blogs were the topic of discussion.

Watch the video here

As I watched Buzz and Will face off, all I could think about is how much of a self absorbed douchebag Buzz is. He thinks that the sports writer is endangered because people are no longer turning to them for their sports news. Instead they check out deadspin and firejoemorgan to get a fan's take on things. What he failed to realize is that people go to FJM and Deadspin because the average sportswriter has become ridiculously off the pulse of the sports they are covering. People like me hate reading today's sports writers because they just arent that good any more. I have been a loyal reader of FJM for the last three years and I believe that they have more of an idea of what is going on than 95% of the guys out there. Of course, they are constantly dismissed as basement ridden geeks with keyboards, mainly because the writers who have dedicated their lives to the art are being shown up by non-professionals.

Buzz has taken his anger to a level that makes him comical - he has become the type of guy we go to deadspin to read about. I love deadspin because it is fucking hilarious 99% of the time, I usually dont go there for news. That is what Buzz had no clue about. We read deadspin because it is entertaining, not because they have the scoops. Now, if ESPN's coverage of the Draft is any clue, they dont have the scoops either.

What I think is funny is the hatred of change in the writers guild. If there is a unique idea, it has to be bad because it hasnt ever been done that way before! For God's sake, to them, Sabremetrics is the devil because it doesnt take into account all the useless junk that they have been using for ages to judge a player's worth. I know for a fact that change is good, and unlike Buzz's rant on the show, the future is definitely going to be awesome with people like Will at the helm. Or at least more entertaining.

Overall, I give a kudos to all the guys that write the sports blogs out there. Bad or good, it challenges our daily understanding of the sports world. It gives a unique perspective, and people who think more perspectives are a bad thing, really need to re-evaluate their pathetic lives.

FJM and Deadspin, keep up the good work, ill be watching.

NFL Draft: Mel Kiper is an idiot

Okay, Mel, I know you have been doing this draft since 1647 when the Moors drafted Ghengis Khan and traded him to Mongolia in a "blockbuster trade," but you are still an idiot.

You really need to understand that "He has great intangibles!" is not a good analysis of a current pick. Intangibles mean squat unless you have the skills to back it up. David Eckstein may be small and "scrappy" as people put it, but he still sucks. Bad. So when someone takes a guy, dont immediately say that he is "just okay" at every essential skill needed at his position and then say the pick is acceptable because he has good intangibles. Spare me the bullshit. Just say that the team made a shitty pick.

NFL Draft: Who hires these scouts?

Well the first picks were pretty uneventful with Ryan, the Longs, McFadden and company going pretty much as expected. Ill tell you though, as they got further through the first, I started to wonder who the fuck green lighted some of these picks! Godser Cherilus? WTF?!? Even Matt Millen stooped to new lows drafting this idiot over Merling or another Defensive guy. Then you start seeing Mendenhall fall all the way to the Steelers, drafted after Jonathan Stewart and the East Carolina guy. It just gets to the point where you give up on people actually being smart people. Did all the people who made the Jets picks over the last 20 years somehow make their way to these teams drafting Round 3 players in the 1st round? Guess so.

Then the boatload of CBs and WRs comes through the waters in the second round, finally! Thomas, Hardy, and all the guys go, and some how Sweed is still on the board, Brohm is still on the board, and NUMEROUS other great picks are still on the board and the Vikings take....

...Wait for it...

Tyrell Johnson. Ugh. Please. Another bang my head against the wall pick. Someone call Fran Foley up and tell him he can have his job back. Why the fuck are they drafting a Safety NOW? Draft someone you need RIGHT THIS SECOND not at some undefinable point in the future. He isnt even that good! Maybe the Vikings are trying to gather a collection of people from the most unrecognizable D1 schools.

Either way, heres hoping that Chad Henne is still available for Round 4. Oh and A++ for getting Jared Allen - one great DE that you can count on for once. I applaud that. Because of your trades, I dont hate you all the way today, just like you are my brat sister who wont shut up during my favorite movie. Tyrell Johnson, pffft.

Wax Busters Anonymous - Helping Cure Addiction Since 2008

When the average price of a box climbs above 200 dollars - count me out of this hobby. Right now, the average price is around 100 bucks and steadily climbing. Upper Deck, Topps, and DLP all are releasing more and more higher end products with hopes of attracting the collectors who have a lot of money to burn and not a good head on their shoulders. Why I say that is because when you bust any box, you actually have something like a 1/5 chance of actually making back 75% of the box cost. When you open a high end box like Exquisite - it is even worse odds, unless you work for Beckett.

Let me break this down for you: $550 for the single box of 6 cards - 7 counting the base. Of those six cards, you have to average 110 dollars a card to make back your money. Because you are already GUARANTEED a maximum jersey card that will go for 5-20 bucks, you have to make up the money on the rest of things. Unless you hit one of the big names in the hobby, you are most likely just throwing your money in to a pile and dropping a match. Its fucking ludicrious that people would buy cases, let alone multiple cases of this stuff when you have about as good of a chance of coming out on top as Prince Fielder has to hit an inside the park home run!

***Wait, hold on...
He already hit one last year?
You have to be fucking kidding me.
Who was it against?
Oh right.... figures. ***



Right, well, moving on.

Even if you bust something like Leaf Limited, you still have a very low chance of making your money back, especially because 3/5 boxes contains a base RC auto instead of the Phenoms Patch auto.

This begs the question, why bust wax when you are most likely going to get a return of 20 bucks on your 100?

There are a few reasons(in no order):

1)Fame. People who have been busting on youtube can usually get around 200-1000 views per video of busting their mid end wax. People like chri5784 and the Doc have made this a staple of their businesses. This is a reason I videotape my breaks - despite being a made for radio personality.

2)Thrill. Its fun to bust high end wax. Its a rush to slide them cards like they are a peep show. Of course, 9 times out of 10 you are left with a shitty feeling of self loathing after, but thats irrelevant when you have the unopened box in your hands.

3)Collecting. Yes this rare breed is still out there - mainly in Northwestern Russia from what I hear. Definitely not anywhere near an internet hookup. Regardless, these people bust because they are a catch and keep kind of person. Me? I couldnt care less about keeping a Victor Abiamiri base limited auto 5,024/507,863,098, but that doesnt mean that someone else out there doesnt.

4)Boredom. OH MY GOD THIS IS ME. I get bored and I get the itch to rip into some foil packaged pieces of cardboard. Once I get done, I get that self loathing feeling as described above, but Im no longer bored! At least im not the guy who busted 4 and a half cases of UD black baseball because he hated his life. Im looking right at you buddy!

And the all time worst:

5)Target/Wal-mart/Retail shoppers. Busting retail wax is like handing a homeless guy a 50 dollar bill and telling him to hold it while you go wash your car. There is no fucking reason in hell to bust retail unless you have no internet, no brain, and your mother and father kept you locked in the basement until you screamed for food/sunlight. People who say that the reason they bust retail is because there is no card shop near you to buy hobby - fuck you and your stupid idealistic bullshit - go to a library and order some. ITS FREE INTERNET. I dont care if you are at Target buying diapers for your kid, and while you are reaching for the pampers, he runs away and you find him sitting in the card aisle, its still not a reason to touch any of that crap. Dont give me that gift card bullshit either, go buy something you actually need.

All in all the wax busters are not endangered at all because the companies find new ways to lure them back in. I have sworn off wax about as many times as I have sworn off donuts. Yet alas, the lure of the product, in both cases, always brings me back around.

MMMM donuts. Arghhhhhhhhdfsadfasdf.

Excommunication is Better Than One Would Think...

It turns out that the mods on the beckett boards read this site, I find that very funny. What isn’t funny is that they banned me for good for having this wonderful fuck and shit filled paradise. Im fine with the situation because I know that I have more fun writing this blog than I do posting over there. Thank you to one of my three loyal readers for that.

For the mods, I don’t regret the decision that having a site where I don’t have to deal with your stupid dictatorship. Personally, that is much more important that having the ability to post on your family friendly forums. I guess i found out the hard way that posting text saying that this site was up and running was a little to racy for the 1950’s time capsule that is the BMB. “Hey Paw, lets go down to the fishing hole and catch us some supper!”

The best part of this – it all started over Mojo. Yes, people actually cared enough to fight for this overused and asinine display of card pulls. As discussed before, I believe the term has about as much worth as a breakfast buffet in a whore house, but I guess worshipping the Mojo god is worth more to them than simple dignity.

Either way, Im done playing leave it to beaver over there, and I will be continuing to post here so that people can see the soft underbelly of this hobby.

I think this borders on the dumbest thing ever.

Okay, this was brought up on the Beckett boards.

Someone found this card up for auction on eBay. Im not going to post the link because I dont want this guy to get any more clicks. So instead ill post the pic here:



Now, it was brought up that this card is not real because of the obvious inclusion of a patch in a stated jersey card, the bidders being kept private, and the guy being a known faker. The funniest was that it is obviously a 2006 all star game patch in a 2005 product, and that Lopez hasnt been an all-star since 2003 - all hilariously stupid slip-ups. What's even worse is that someone will bid on this card. Now, it isnt going to go for hundreds - I HOPE - but it may go for 10 bucks more than it would normally.

Something that makes me wonder about the future of the patch faking industry (yes, it has sadly become an industry):

-Pack of Prime Patches: 30 bucks
-Cost of the All Star Patch: 4-6 bucks (after shipping)
-Supplies needed for faking: 2 bucks
-Final value of card after fake: 10 bucks?
-eBay fees: 2 bucks
-Social cost of being the guy who just lost 20 bucks on faking a Javy Lopez card: Infinite

This is great. Almost as great as seeing an inside the park home run in person.