This Just Made My Day!

I just found out that someone has actually taken the time to start a blog as a rebuttal to SCU. That is too awesome for words. Im truly flattered, and very curious as to why someone has that much time on their hands.

I guess one has done something right when they have pissed off a guy so much, they start something completely devoid of any other purpose than to criticize every word you say. I love it!

I mean, I would completely understand if this person started a blog to post stuff contrary to the opinions I state, but to piggyback on my stuff? He must be really desperate for a gimmick to get visitors. Eh, ill stop feeding the Troll, I'm sure they have enough ammo already with 998 posts and counting.

One thing though. Since this person breaks everything down paragraph by paragraph, I guess I now need to put apostrophes in everything if I want to avoid those arrogant (sic)s they use for some reason. I didnt (sic) know that missing contraction marks were such a big deal to the grammar police. They must be a captain or something.

Well, if you hate me and this site, this new blog is your Graceland. Have a good time. Tell 'em I sent you.

Last Idiot Trade Update

Well, I just got back from lunch and I got the Marino and the Romo FINALLY. He shipped them both together in a team snap case with no tape, and they spilled out into the package with no protection. The Marino is fine, thank god, but the Romo has two nasty dinged corners.

Considering I requested that he send them in the proper cases BEFORE he sent them, Im pretty pissed. I had to wait an extra week for this shit, and now I gotta deal with him being a complete fuckface to boot. He is lucky I hate basketball, because otherwise I would send this shit back to him. Im not going to do it because I like the Marino and the time it would take to get the LeBron back would be more than an Upper Deck redemption in 2005.

Since he has decided to come on here and tell us we are all "gay women" as Matt G put it, I will advise everyone to not trade with Cowboys4life71 on any forum.

His response to this: "They were fine when i sent them, he is just mad because i found his little blog and how he was slamming me on there and i defended myself. He said he couldn't wait to get his cards so he can leave tcc. good bye."

Wow! He got me! I damaged a card I intended to keep because he found SCU and got his ass handed to him. Nice. Glad you thought that out chief. Also that comment about you watching Gay men "blowing each other" instead of the Topps video was great. Im not sure why he is so obsessed with stuff being "gay." Some people...

A Comment On Collecting Terms

For some reason, every single collector has to have terms they use to describe everything. There is no wavering, its all the same term, no variety allowed. I dont understand why you cant just say "Wow, what a card!" when you get a nice card, instead of "YESSSSSSS MOJO!" It makes you sound half your age and half your smarts. But, I have commented at length about MOJO because it seems like it has wrapped its slimy oozing tenticle around every douche's brain in this hobby.

What about the word "SICK" to describe the prowess of the card? Obviously its just as bad, as every dimwit in every card store uses it like it was their first word as a child. Why cant we just say, "Fuck me, that card is awesome!" instead of "Get some life support, that card is SIIIICK!" I want to shoot myself in the face with buckshot for maximum pain.

Why is every relic and auto card called a "HIT"? The term is a little more practical than the mind raping nature of the above two, as most cards like that are a hit in a pattern of packs. But still, that is pretty dumb that we cant come up with better names with more descriptive variety.

How about the word "PULL"? This one is actually relevant to any chance ridden hobby. I have seen it in Miniature games that have random boosters, I have even seen it used for lottery tickets. Yes you are hearing that right. Its almost like we take a burning hot emblazened prod and burn these things into our brain, so that the neural pathway always leads to that term when encountering something of that nature. Its fucking ridiculous, and it makes collectors seem VERY ignorant and simple.

Basically, I hate people who cant think for themselves, and the collecting base is so full of these people that I think its reached critical mass. Lets hope the hobby doesnt run to a toilet and crap out the normal people, which always seems to happen.

A Look Into The Thinking Of People Who Go By Book Value

These are some nuggets of pure unadulterated senslessness that I have collected from some recent threads about BV vs SV around the interweb. Try not to think about these for extended periods of time. Blood may run from your ears if you do.

"I`ve been in the hobby for quite awhile now and we always went by book value,beckett does the research and we buy the books,we always went by book value even before the internet,I think sell value is not that reliable,say you want a card you check ebay one might be selling for 3 dollars one for 10 and so on which one do you go by?"

"I use book value just because it is easier. it is a set price not changing every hour like sv is"

"BV has been a standard for 20+ years, I dont need eBay because I already know what mine are worth thanks to beckett"

"BV is what I traditionally go by as well. But, I have been known to hold onto a card expecting the BV to go up in the next edition (see Matt Cassell, Matt Forte, etc), but I recognize the fact that BV is fictitious. SV is too, cards are hot the first week, then fizzle off and the research it takes to follow up on that is too time consuming to interest me, so when someone start spouting SV, I usually move on. BV is fictitious, but it is at least a barometer in which to go by."

"SV changes too much, I like the stability in BV even if it is inflated. Plus it makes me feel better"

"People only trade by sell value when it benefits them."

"I am an uneducated hobby douchebag who cares more about how much my cards are worth than getting a card I actually want. Excuse me while I bust this box of Triple Threads."

Okay, the last one was mine.

Can We Hunt Idiots For Sport?

Sometimes I trade online because im bored. Sometimes I trade online because I really want a card. Every once in a while I get a deal I can live with, although very rarely does that happen. Of course, when it does happen, I am almost assuredly trading with an idiot. This time was no exception.

It started last week, when someone threw up their Topps Peterson Rookie Premiere Auto for trade. Despite the goofy helmetless look Peterson has, I like the way the auto looks on that particular design. I looked at his scan and the auto was nice, compact, and very bold - exactly what I wanted.

Now, as I viewed the scan, the borders were whited out, which is usually a sign of some problem with them, but the trader advised that there were none. I also noticed that the card in the scan was a little offcenter, but not more than any other card. I wasnt grading it, but sometimes you just want a clean card.

Here is the before scan (cropped to get rid of extra white):



Looks nice, dont it? Its tilted as some scans are, but that was addressed before the trade to make sure I wasnt getting a tilted card.

I agree to the trade and we both send off our cards at the same time. I get excited the day I see it will be in my mailbox when I get home. As I open the package after work that day, my dreams are crushed with an out of ink sharpie. The card is completely different than the picture. Its not even close. Here is what I ended up getting:



Notice the differences in the signature? It almost goes off the card, and it is much less than bold. Its still not *AWFUL* but its pretty close. The worst part of this is not the signature though, its the centering. The card is around 60/40 up and to the right, which is problematic for having a nice card to display.

I was fucking pissed and PMed the trader on the board. I asked for one of my cards back that I had traded or paypal to even out the misrepresentation. Here is what I got back:

"thats a joke, now i am willing to negotiate with you, but as you can tell from the scan the card dosnt have perfect centering. and yes the auto isnt the best but i give the (card of lesser value than the one I requested) back and thats pushing it. to get into details its not like the cards you provided in the trade are perfect either."

No mention of the swapped scan and no mention of what was the actual problem. At this point I send him a long message of why I deserve the money back, and I forward it to the mods on the board. The mods side with me (so far) and tell him to send me the money, cancel the trade, or return the card I requested by friday. He still doesnt get it:

"the problem is me not having a scanner and getting scans from other people. but that puts me in between a rock and a hard place. not you. i can do paypal but it would have 2 wait till friday. also (one of the cards I traded) does have a scratch on the card but since its going into pc i dont mind. i want to keep my perfect rating here so i will do it"

So he is pulling this bullshit with people other than me? He doesnt have a scanner but trades with scans regularly? This is a fucking douche and a half. I forward this to the mods, who say they will put a trading restriction on his account. I cant believe people function like this.

Sadly, this guy has OVER 70 completed postitive transactions, and I had no reason to not trust him. Again, even I get burned still, so just because I crucify the idiots who fall for the old tricks, doesnt mean I dont fall for them either.

Lesson: Dont trade unless you know the guy, and dont trade with people who dont have scanners or cameras. Kill me now.

A Comment On Determining How Many Colors Are On Your Patch Card

Dear Idiots,

This is not a 4 color patch card. It is AT BEST a 3 color patch card, if you insist on counting the fucking sliver of white as a color. Just so you know, you dont count the number of colors by the breaks in the patch. If the colors on the card are Red and Black, but happen to be separated like Zubaz pants, ITS STILL A FUCKING 2 COLOR PATCH. I dont care if it is borderline hypnosis inducing - STILL TWO COLORS.

Also, there is no such thing as an 8 color patch card. No team has that many colors on their jersey, so its not fucking possible. Stop trying to make a case that your multiple 2 color patch card is 8 colors because it has four windows with 2 colors per patch. Fuck you, you are the dumbest piece of shit I have ever met.

Infor-med-ly Yours,
Gellman

Someone please remove these people's reproductive organs so they cannot procreate.

A Comment On eBay Item Descriptions

As part of my research on eBay auctions, I have compiled a list of 10 or so claims that must be included in every auction you post if you are the smartest/coolest/MOJOist collector around. Now, for our audience at home, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE CLAIMS IS ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT TRUE. It was verified by a guy at a friend's shop. I saw it with my own eyes. Because of this, you must put this in your auction so your item will sell for more.

1. This card is MINT condition
2. This card is a 1/1
3. The player on this card is going to be a hall of famer
4. The player on this card is going to do amazing this year / have a breakout season
5. Get this card before he blows up like ____________
6. This is the best card in the set
7. I am selling this card for a friend who pulled this amazing patch card
8. This is the only one on eBay, so its very rare / 1 of 1 / expensive
9. I will consider any offer
10. Another card just like this sold for _____________

Thank god all of these are true, because I am going to bid at least 50 dollars more because of that.

Tales From TWGM: How Not To Do 1/1s

From time to time, I like to peruse the high price listings of the card section of TWGM just so I can find comedic hobby gold. I warn you, stupidity is to follow. I dont even think the guys who sell this stuff are Coe Jollectors because they seem to be even dumberererer than that. Either way, I bring you...

*cue ominous music*

TALES FROM TWGM!!

People, in this episode, I want to explore 1/1s, the bane of eBay's existence. I have talked endlessly about grading 1/1s, what are and are not 1/1s, and other aspects of 1/1s, but today I want to talk about some of the worst of them.

First, I want to talk about this chase pull out of Triple Threads that hits the block once every six months. Its an eye-abortion and could be the worst use of a signed Mantle ball ever. They cut off the hide of the ball and had Arod and Wright sign it too. Why Arod and Wright? I have no fucking clue, and it takes away from everything that is good about this card. So, not only do you have three autographs on a baseball sweet spot (*puke*), but you have it in the form of a holofoil triple threads card (Awful). Hey, at least it wasnt a cut with two silver topps stickers.

NOTE: Is anyone else REALLY glad that Topps never got the chance for Mick to sign those awful stickers? Yeah, me too.

Either way, this guy wants a TON of money for this eyesore. People, sometimes you just need to set it at .99 cents and let it go. This guy didnt get the memo.

Next we have a Roberto Clemente 1/1 out of sport kings. Despite having each card in a top loader - bravo - this card is complete bag o' crap. Because its Clemente, lets call it Senor Bag o' Crap. Now, was this card some special bat name plate? No. Was it a logo patch from the jersey? No. Was it a cut auto? No. It is a manufactured Sport Kings logo patch. Yuck, who thinks of this shit? My favorite thing here: look at how much this assface wants for the card. Fuck that!

Lastly is this new generation of "1/1s" where the seller tries to pawn off a grade population 1 card as a 1/1 because no one else has a card listed at this grade. That is fucking bullshit. Its almost as lame as a guy who says his card is a 1/1 because the jersey swatch in it cannot be replicated in another card. Wow, talk about a reach, this is as far as you can get, especially because of the number of cards like this produced.

People, lets think before auctioning - people arent THIS stupid.

I Am Not A Fan Of Stupid EBAY Sellers

I used to believe that feedback provided a great picture of who a seller was. However, I found out that was a sham quite early. Then I figured that if I do my own research, I could counteract a lot of the shitbag sellers that are out there. That worked for a good seven years until this month. Now I cant trust myself or the fucking system.

Here is the situation:

I buy an Adrian Peterson autographed card with birthday money on eBay. The picture is a little blurry, but it is clear enough to see that everything was as it should be. Nice auto, nice card etc. I pay for the card via paypal and the seller ships it out.

4 days later I receive the package and it is ridiculously heavy. Concerned, I open the package to find that he has graded the card and the card is a fucking BGS 8. Enraged as to why someone would fucking grade a card like this, let alone sell it, I contact the seller and let him know that this was completely fucking ludicrious. I show him that the grade, nor the fact that it is graded is not in the auction pictures, description or category listed. He immidiately responds with the excuse that he checked the graded card box on the auction (which he had), and that he is not responsible.

Thinking I had been beat, I tell him to go fuck himself and his shady dealings, and I resign to trying to trade it under less shady circumstances, mainly with a full picture. Now, because this card is one that SHOULD NEVER BE GRADED, EVER, no one wants it. I cant get half the value of what I paid - even as a BGS fucking 8. Meanwhile, this whole time I am cursing the Idiot Conglomerites who grade these fucking stupid cards that are not known for their condition.

After being unsuccessful in my unloading, I decided that it was time to make a claim with paypal to see if something will work itself out. Low and behold, there is a box to check that says "I have received my item but it is less valuable than described." Of course, I check that box, write up a long description of the transaction, and submit my claim. I called paypal to see how to submit the deliberately cropped pictures, and they said they have them from the auction. Hopefully this guy gets fucked in his ignorant fucking donkey raping ass.

Oh, and one last thing. As a local card shop, he offered a return policy for any dissatisfied customers. Funny enough it was only three days - not long enough for any one to receive their card and dispute it for a refund. Im wondering if his customers are just as fucked up as he is.

What a douche. Ill keep you updated on this.

No Matter What Beckett Does, They Just Dont Seem To Get It

So I got an email from a few readers that Beckett was introducing "real time pricing" for the new, awful, and confusing site. They describe it as updated pricing every day and that you will finally be able to get NRP the day the cards are priced by their Sr. Market Analysts (The Pricing Hat).

You would think this would make them more relevant, but really it continues to show how incredibly irrelevant they really are. They are so stuck on keeping this ideal of a "price guide" around, they dont understand that the way they price cards is made completely fucking useless by new(er) innovations over the last 20 years. Yes, Beckett prices their cards the same way they did 20 years ago (the Pricing Hat). They dont get that People get their info from the computer now. I guess no one at Beckett got that memo.

So, for the first time ever, here is what I would do if I were them:

First I would send my people over to go on eBay over the next six months and find out as much about as many cards as they can and then give it to your "Sr. Market Analysts." Then start a beta program where selected card sales are monitored and averaged every day. If there is no market data, they would leave it blank and not assign a random price from the hat. After about another three months, I would start promoting the real centralized pricing trends and show people how it works, mainly because 100% of the people who go by book value are complete idiots.

Now you wont be able to show a steady price, because like the stock market, things change hourly. So, you can give a range, which is more than anyone ever needs. This would help buyers who use eBay find out if what they are getting is actually a good price. No fucking multipliers and no fucking hat drawn prices.

People with a "My Collection" will be able to see "real time" graphs of the eBay market trends of the real value of their cards, and it will finally make Beckett relevant again. I would even use it. It would be a great tool!

For those of you who deal at shows, you could submit the prices you paid for your cards. Granted these prices would be off, because dealers jack up prices to make a profit. Yet, my fledgling economic mind believes there could be a formula established to generate a real value for these. In fact, I believe it would be PRETTY FUCKING EASY.

Then, instead of releasing a hobby magazine based on one fucking huge conflict of interest, you could promote a magazine that gave commentary, showed real market trends, and gave people a good expectation of what the hobby was really like. Hell, I would buy that too. You could even have readers submit their own store bought box breaks to show other readers a fair expectation as well! Wow!

Instead of doing all of the things above, thingsI just came up with off the top of my head, they are using their centralized website to give daily updates on THEIR prices, not REAL prices. I also think its pretty fucking hilarious that they have Sr Market Analysts. Besides, if they make as much money as their Sr. Graders (The Sr. Grader is pictured below with his Jaguar) maybe people will see what I am talking about with these douche nozzles.

See people, its a business for them, not an objective guide for you. I have said it countless fucking times that Beckett is the number one authority on douchebaggery. However, every time I fucking trade online, or every time I hear someone quote book value, I just want to scream that the price expectation they have is not real. It is a hat drawn number influenced by the manufacturers to create a false ideal of how to price a card. Manufacturers know that higher book value means more sales, so they find ways to inflate those prices - hmm, how does that happen? Ad revenue given to Beckett, boxes and swag given to Beckett, favorable press given to Beckett, who knows what else. If you think integrity has a place in this business you are fucking stupid.

I have exhausted myself trying to combat this, and others have taken up the mantle to try and stand with me (Thank you also to Rob from VOTC). Also, I know there are bloggers who privately feel the same way and do their part off the record. Granted, I know I make very little difference from this blog, but for every person that stops paying attention to Beckett's stupidity and false idols, I am a success.

UD Icons Football Introduces A Whole New Level Of Crap

On the Blowout cards forum, a user has busted a case of Icons for some god-forsaken reason. In his listing of the stuff he pulled, he mentioned that he had pulled a a "presidential campaign letter."

I just about puked on the screen, I mean, full on family guy on ipicac puke. What the fuck was Upper Deck thinking? Not only do the continue the asinine trend of Presidential Subsets in sports products, but now they are copying one of the worst ideas in the history of cards. Topps brought crap to an undiscovered limit with their inserts in the Topps baseball set, but this is crap to the nth power.

Check it out!



ITS A FUCKING REDEMPTION!!! Jokes on you, member of the idiot conglomerate! You cant even get your non-sports related presidential non-autographed manufactured letter right away! You have to wait! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Another funny thing that I found is that in the only auction for one on TWGM, it lists it as a "must have for any team or player collector!" Ha, yes, you have hit the nail on the head my stupid friend. It is a must have.

Note to Topps and Upper Deck: IF YOU ARE GOING TO MANUFACTURE THE LETTERS, YOU BETTER GET THEM FUCKING AUTOGRAPHED. That is all.

Please Legally Change My Name To "SwearBlogger"

Chad Johnson has entered a whole new unexplored level of stupidity by taking the first few steps to change his name legally to "Chad Ocho Cinco." Im guessing this is kind of like getting a tattoo of your number on your arm, but this is a little bit more, well, visible. Personally I think he deserves a name like "Chad Awfule-TD'danzer" or "Chad MeFurst-Noe'teem" because they are more fitting, and because his parents always wanted a hyphenated last name for him. In fact, here are a few other names that may fit some of the current idiots in the past and present NFL:

Orenthal James Thaglovedontfit
Emmitt Tackelosityness
Randy Bongracer
Adam "Pacman" Strep'teezegunshot
Marvin Quieterthanasilencer
Cedric Speedtwocruzcontrol
Daunte Captainstubingboatrocker (He switched to dual citizenship with Germany too)
Ron Mexico
Brett Enduplikeunitasonchargers (His great-grandfather was ethiopian)

Back to Mr. Ocho Cinco, I think it would be legendary if someone traded him to a team that has 85 as a retired number. Justice for the stupid, then.