Superdouche Afternoon Theatre

Its been a while since I have posted my hatred for people who act like 13 year olds around the net, and today I experienced an interaction on a message board that made me think things are hopeless for informed people. I got an email that someone I didn’t know had PMed me and asked if Topps Triple Turds was a good buy now that the price has dropped from an astronomical MSRP down to something like 120. His words were, "Dude, I have a place to get Trip Threads for 120, and I am thinking of buying in. I mean the MOJO potential is huge and the price is really low. What do you think?" I almost set my monitor ablaze to dance naked around its smoldering remains.

For those who are unfamiliar with my feelings, people who say "MOJO" when not referring to Homer Simpson's helper monkey, Austin Powers' libido, or the channel on TV, are by far the scummiest of the scum. Whenever I see someone refer to any card as "MOJO" I literally puke a little in my mouth. It lowers my low respect level even more when someone uses it for every fucking video for their channel on Youtube. The term sucks, I want to punch people when I hear it in person, and if I even hear the words "last pack MOJO" come out of someone's mouth in consecutive order, I will go get my flamethrower out of my trunk.

When you use "MOJO" in any fashion, worse if you say a player's name in conjunction with it (i.e OMG PETERSON-JO!!!!), I cannot respect you as an equal. You are the definition of a Joe Collector. You are the person who posts maildays on youtube. You are the person who buys Triple Threads. You are the person who looks up every card in your beckett to see how much it is worth. You are the person who will only trade cards when book value is exactly even. You post a steal with every auction purchase. You have 1,000 comments posted on Beckett's blog. You buy blasters for hits. You buy manufactured letters with sticker autos. You are captain doucheface.

Then, to have the nerve to ask me if Triple Turds is a good buy at 120 dollars only adds fuel to the fire. Triple Threads wouldn’t be a good buy at 10 dollars a pack. I am 100% dead serious. You get 2 hits per box, which most of the time will have a crap RC auto with three nonsense diecut windows, and a jersey card of some mid level guy. For 170 dollars. Bring it down to 120 and you are still 100 dollars above a good buy. First off, the stickers on these cards look stupid as hell with carved out windows for them. Second, the design hasn’t changed in 3 years, they just added some of the most ugly cards ever with the fold outs. Third, it breaks the topps high end rule, and for 2 hits at that price, I stand by it. Fourth, the price has dropped over 30% since release, that should show you how bad this shit really is. Lastly, the actual 'good' cards you can pull still don’t break box price. Go ahead, check it out.

So, let me reiterate, Triple Threads is the worst recurring product of the year until Topps Sterling hits the market, and MOJO should never be used in reference to cards unless you enjoy me reaching through your computer and mouse whipping you until you cry.

Can We Hunt Idiots For Sport?

Sometimes I trade online because im bored. Sometimes I trade online because I really want a card. Every once in a while I get a deal I can live with, although very rarely does that happen. Of course, when it does happen, I am almost assuredly trading with an idiot. This time was no exception.

It started last week, when someone threw up their Topps Peterson Rookie Premiere Auto for trade. Despite the goofy helmetless look Peterson has, I like the way the auto looks on that particular design. I looked at his scan and the auto was nice, compact, and very bold - exactly what I wanted.

Now, as I viewed the scan, the borders were whited out, which is usually a sign of some problem with them, but the trader advised that there were none. I also noticed that the card in the scan was a little offcenter, but not more than any other card. I wasnt grading it, but sometimes you just want a clean card.

Here is the before scan (cropped to get rid of extra white):



Looks nice, dont it? Its tilted as some scans are, but that was addressed before the trade to make sure I wasnt getting a tilted card.

I agree to the trade and we both send off our cards at the same time. I get excited the day I see it will be in my mailbox when I get home. As I open the package after work that day, my dreams are crushed with an out of ink sharpie. The card is completely different than the picture. Its not even close. Here is what I ended up getting:



Notice the differences in the signature? It almost goes off the card, and it is much less than bold. Its still not *AWFUL* but its pretty close. The worst part of this is not the signature though, its the centering. The card is around 60/40 up and to the right, which is problematic for having a nice card to display.

I was fucking pissed and PMed the trader on the board. I asked for one of my cards back that I had traded or paypal to even out the misrepresentation. Here is what I got back:

"thats a joke, now i am willing to negotiate with you, but as you can tell from the scan the card dosnt have perfect centering. and yes the auto isnt the best but i give the (card of lesser value than the one I requested) back and thats pushing it. to get into details its not like the cards you provided in the trade are perfect either."

No mention of the swapped scan and no mention of what was the actual problem. At this point I send him a long message of why I deserve the money back, and I forward it to the mods on the board. The mods side with me (so far) and tell him to send me the money, cancel the trade, or return the card I requested by friday. He still doesnt get it:

"the problem is me not having a scanner and getting scans from other people. but that puts me in between a rock and a hard place. not you. i can do paypal but it would have 2 wait till friday. also (one of the cards I traded) does have a scratch on the card but since its going into pc i dont mind. i want to keep my perfect rating here so i will do it"

So he is pulling this bullshit with people other than me? He doesnt have a scanner but trades with scans regularly? This is a fucking douche and a half. I forward this to the mods, who say they will put a trading restriction on his account. I cant believe people function like this.

Sadly, this guy has OVER 70 completed postitive transactions, and I had no reason to not trust him. Again, even I get burned still, so just because I crucify the idiots who fall for the old tricks, doesnt mean I dont fall for them either.

Lesson: Dont trade unless you know the guy, and dont trade with people who dont have scanners or cameras. Kill me now.

Another Comment On Trading By Book Value

As if the never ending stream of idiocy is growing into a river, I have to post another comment on trading by book value. I have had three trades in the past week fall through because some fuckface isnt happy according to a price he found in Beckett. So, let me reinterate my points for the fourth fucking time(click on each word).

First off, the line, "People trade by sell value only when its convenient for them and they trade by book value when its obvious they are getting the better end of the deal," is complete fucking bullshit. If you allow yourself to fall for a scam like the one described in this line, you deserve to be scammed. Who takes it in the butt like this on a regular basis?

Listen people, and listen closely. Trading is simple - I want your card, you want mine. If you want my card as much as I want yours, we trade. Why is money always factored into it? If I ever create a forum, I will outlaw trading by book value. If you trade by book value you will automatically trade by my book value, which is the last completed auction. You wont even get the benefit of an average, only because you are an idiot.

Secondly, the line "ebay is too volatile of a pricing agent to determine a long term value" is also complete fucking bullshit. Ebay prices fluxuate, yes, but its never a huge enough swing to matter. Again, see the reason for trading above, 10 fucking dollars shouldn’t make a difference. A card that sells for 135 one day and 150 the next is still around the same value. Why does it fucking matter to you? No, wait, we will go to Beckett that updates their hat drawn prices once every fucking two months and we will go by that. If you want to make money, go buy stocks and bonds you assclown.

Lastly, if you are trading by book value because you trade in cards that are so invaluable that they don’t make it on to ebay that often, why should you even care what they are worth. Just trade 1 card for 1 card or 2 cards for 2 cards. Is it going to make you or break you if you lose a dollar in the trade? Fuck no, the stamps to send the shit cost more.

Again, if you trade by Beckett prices I am already two shakes of a lamb's tail away from not returning your PM. Ass.