Please Legally Change My Name To "SwearBlogger"

Chad Johnson has entered a whole new unexplored level of stupidity by taking the first few steps to change his name legally to "Chad Ocho Cinco." Im guessing this is kind of like getting a tattoo of your number on your arm, but this is a little bit more, well, visible. Personally I think he deserves a name like "Chad Awfule-TD'danzer" or "Chad MeFurst-Noe'teem" because they are more fitting, and because his parents always wanted a hyphenated last name for him. In fact, here are a few other names that may fit some of the current idiots in the past and present NFL:

Orenthal James Thaglovedontfit
Emmitt Tackelosityness
Randy Bongracer
Adam "Pacman" Strep'teezegunshot
Marvin Quieterthanasilencer
Cedric Speedtwocruzcontrol
Daunte Captainstubingboatrocker (He switched to dual citizenship with Germany too)
Ron Mexico
Brett Enduplikeunitasonchargers (His great-grandfather was ethiopian)

Back to Mr. Ocho Cinco, I think it would be legendary if someone traded him to a team that has 85 as a retired number. Justice for the stupid, then.

Blogging is Tough

In the spirit of Mario's recent post, I agree that Blogging can seem like a full time job. Unfortunately, my actual full time job has my day pretty busy, so it wont be likely that I will be able to post today.

Im not quitting or stopping in any way, so dont get all happy and celebretory.

A Comment On DNA Relics

Dear UD and Topps,

I am really, REALLY, confused as to why hair relics are being included in sports cards. Yes, I know they are actual pieces of those people that they are advertised as, but unless I am making a clone, I dont see a purpose in this stuff. Cut autos, despite destroying historical documents, are cool, and SHOULD bring a lot of money. However, when it comes to cut hair, lets get serious - this is borderline gross. I have long said that "body used" blood samples are the next thing to include in player relics, but this is getting a little too close for comfort. Lets stick with cut sigs and suit relics from presidents, and cut sigs and jersey pieces from old timey players. That would be MORE than enough for me.

Now, I do understand that there is quite a market for hair collectors, but I think that combining that hobby with sports card collecting is going a little far. I mean, what did you guys have to go through to get this stuff? Either way, lets get some fresh blood in the card market, no pun intended, but stay away from bodily functions, excrement, and all naturally related pieces of a figure from the past.

Sincerely,
Gellman

Interesting Site

I received an email today from Michael Savage who is the proprietor of an upstart information website called AutographedMemorabilia.org. He has started to list a bunch of resources including this blog and Wax heaven, so I agreed that I would help him out. Check out the site and look around, there is some interesting stuff on there. I would guess that in the future, this will be a resource for a lot of people.

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

I have seen a lot of nice things happening over the last six months, too bad they have been overshadowed by all the bad things. I just wanted to showcase a few things that I liked over the time I have been writing, and I think a lot would agree with me.

1. The resurgence of ON CARD AUTOS - YES! This is awesome to the tenth power. Finally some companies have gotten their shit together enough that even smaller sets are getting on card sigs. How is it done? Well, you produce the cards WELL before the release date so you can get them out to the players. Then you require them back before you pack out the cards. Its really a nice concept. I would especially like to highlight SPA and Exquisite of last year because both were completely on card. Exquisite is expected as such, but SPA is a mid end product. DLP, take note.

2. Measures against the patch faking douchebags - This time I have to give a hearty handshake to DLP for starting the process with getting these things going. Its not perfect yet, but it IS getting better. Hopefully, in the future, this will be a standard.

3. Painted "like" cards - I love UD Masterpieces, Allen and Ginter and the Gridiron Kings subsets. These cards are beautiful and really present a cool idea in a way that everyone can appreciate. I think that these cards are really done well in the fact that it focuses more on the piece itself rather than some gimmick. Thank you to the artists behind these cards. I also would like to suggest that maybe "sketch" cards would be a good idea as it would be cool to see how the best sports aritists in the game do their paintings/drawings. Basically, lets get more than Dick Perez involved.

4. The changing of redemption replacement procedures - I know, it hasn’t happened yet, but I assume it will be soon. UD has announced that users will be allowed to pick from a number of cards to replace the unmade or unfufilled redemption they have received. I like this ideas because I would be super pissed if I got crap for my cool card. In the future, lets hope that people wont have to go through this process at all, but that is a pipe dream, I understand.

5. Nice patches in every parallel instead of 1/1s- I know this can be good and bad, but I assume its mostly good. We saw that in SPA football and National Treasures, anything was possible. It used to be a 1/1 when a patch was amazing, but this time, its for everyone. Even the cards out of 225 had some really nice pieces, and although it provided fodder for the people mentioned in number two, it was a welcome addition. Lets hope this continues.*

6. DLP's language on the back of their jersey cards - see here.

*Yes, I do realize that a lot of cards were shafted this year in terms of 1 color patches on high end cards, but lets be honest, that was nothing new.

Im sure that a lot of stuff has caught your eye, so please feel free to post below if you want. This is the stuff that I liked and wanted to continue. I wont post what I didn’t like, because, well, that is way too long of a post and you have heard it all before. I know the card manufacturers are watching, so please take this stuff into consideration. I have questioned whether the companies actually know what we want, but in some respects, we are getting some stuff.

Manufacturing Letters Doesnt Make You Cool

Listen, if you want to release a product with game used autographed letter patches, more power to you, I will support you. If you want to release a product with manufactured autographed letter patches, more power to you, I will support you. If you want to release a product with Manufactured letters that are not autographed, I will not support you, and I will probably make fun of it. If you are going to release a product with manfuactured letter patches and sticker autographs on those letters, I will laugh at you, make fun of you, and trash your set for years to come. If you comprise THE WHOLE FUCKING PRODUCT on this premise, you deserve to be ritually killed by the amodasac tribe of northern Zimbabwe.

To tell you the truth, I don’t really mind letter patches as long as they are game used, autographed, or both. The autograph is all that matters to me on manufactured letter patches. I think its stupid when they spell out weird shit, so lets try to keep it to last, and at the maximum, first names. Then I don’t have to wonder if my "F" letter from my Frank Gore letter set is for "Frank" or if its from "Fuck Me This Is Ridiculous."

In fact, I think its pretty cool when you get a nice autographed letter patch from SPA of a good player. The 49ers letters, the Lions letters, all the other three color namplate teams are really nice pieces to display. However, teams like the Vikings, the Chargers, and the Cowboys tend to be kind of boring. Still this is still very nice to display, and I am crossing my fingers for a Peterson set this year.

Personally I think these letters are nice because of their display potential. On the other hand, it is not cool if you go on ebay to spell out your username in picures, especially if you have some stupid players that help you to do it. It is pure idiocy at work that you actually took the time to put that banner together. If you go and buy the letters that spell out your user name, you have taken it to the next level of dumbassery. It does not make you look cool.

Lastly, I want to address Topps Letterman Football, and more importantly, Topps in general:

Dear Topps,

You suck. Your stickers suck. Your lame attempts at letter patches suck. It was especially sucky that you decided to combine the two. Also, it was the lamest of the lame for you to make letter sets for the presidential candidates, they don’t belong in a card set other than allen and ginter. Stop trying to do gimmicks to sell your products and start putting together good products instead. Plus, if I have to endure another fucking foldout idea, I will stab you in the liver with a dulled steak knife. You may be asking what a good product consists of. Well it means on card sigs, or AT LEAST clear stickers with no "TOPPS CERTIFIED" wording on them, and no more recessed auto windows. Those are fucking ugly. In fact, no more auto windows at all, lets just focus on making the cards pretty. Yes, that would be nice.

Sincerely,
Gellman

Thank Yous and Pack Breaks

First off, I want to say thank you to Charlie and Stampman who both sent amazing packages for the fun of it. Both packages had awesome cards, Mauers and Petersons included, so thank you very much to both of them!

Secondly, I stopped by the local shop today to bust some Donruss Threads and I came back with cool stuff from 10 packs. Here is what I got:

A nice rookie 1st rounder from USC, Lawrence Jackson /100 RC:

So thats always a good start. Then in the next pack I pulled the first hit from the box, a Fred Taylor 1 color patch card /50. This is definitely a patch, even though it is one color. The card is a fucking brick.

Lastly was a biggie, especially because I have never pulled diddly shit out of this product. I pulled it and immediately wondered if I had pulled something really worth my time as it was /15. I flipped it over, but I was kind of bummed that it wasnt one of the bigger guys from 08. Still, he is one of the better defensive players in the draft and should make an impact right away.

So, a pretty good day.

Donruss and UD Captilize On The Most Annoying Story Of The Young Year

Yes, as expected, both Donruss and UD have cards in production for Brett Favre as a New York J-E-T, Jet, Jet, Jet. Personally I am B-O-R-E-D, bored, bored, BORED with this story. I expected no less from the companies to try and capitalize, but honestly, I expect these cards to have the same hobby value as a Joe Montana Cheifs card or an Emmitt Smith Cardinals card. In other words, dont waste your time. I would much rather take a Favre Packers auto any day of the week. Thankfully there are billions. Yet, here is what we get instead:







Thanks, ill pass.

I Find This Hilarious

I was reading some football related stuff on another site when I came across this article. It basically details some Giants fans going to Nicaragua to get some of the Patriots' 19-0 super bowl shirts that were shipped to the third world following the loss. The reason I find this so funny is that Patriots fans are usually the ones chided for being overzealous, but the Giants fans set out to prove them wrong.

Also, what is it about New England teams that produce such irreverant and unconditional love for a team? It seems like evey Sawks fan and Patriots fan is the most diehard fan ever. So diehard that they will threaten you if you say their team sucks. That is crazy tomfoolery at its finest.

Oh, and I would love to see these guys walk around with these shirts on. What a sore subject for a team that has already won 3 out of the last 5 superbowls.