Friday, January 23, 2009

Product Review: 2008 Topps Triple Threads

This week, all around the world, people I think are the biggest retards, are rejoicing. Today, Topps Triple Threads: Joe Collector Edition is live and on the market. Despite the fact that I would rather rip my toenails out one by one than watch someone try to justify the existence of this shit party, many people are dancing in the streets. Im guessing, though, that these are the same people who have also wallpapered their bedrooms with wrappers from all the lettermen packs they opened.

The Good

There is not much that is good about this product. I mean, I really have to struggle to find a reason why I even need to talk about this traveshamockery of a product. Either way, Topps at least managed to put some good patches in the rookie cards. Thats pretty much the only good thing I could find here. Im completely serious. Yup, I would rather jack off a bear with foam hulk hands than even watch a simulated break of Triple Suck.

The Bad

Where to start, where to start. Well, lets start with the fact that this product has not changed, even in design, since 2006. I seriously cannot believe that Topps would even consider releasing a high end product year after year, with die cut shapes being the only difference between the releases. Its like Mac putting out new computers every year with the only difference being the color of the desktop background when you first start it up.

Secondly the cards were not even that good to begin with, considering how much they cost to buy. This year is not any different, as the pictures are ridiculously small to make room for their asinine die cut windows, and it looks beyond awful. On top of all that, when you get to the triple autos, the pics are even smaller. I cant understand that.

Moving on, the color schemes are so bad that I want to avert my eyes out of fear of retina damage. The crap is filled with bright green, bright blue, and bright everything, and it makes me think that lettermen was just the four horsemen to this apocalypse.

It gets worse as the product moves up the cost charts, mainly the the foldout duals and foldout jerseys. To tell you the truth, bigger cards should be awesome, and most of the time that is true. But due to the shear craptasticness of this set, and because all of the foldouts are so ridiculously ugly, that the above theory of bigger is better is crying in the corner. First off, with the dual autos, they are impossible to display, and are basically just two triple threads auto cards connected in the middle like a demonic siamese twin. What is even funnier, is that most of the people who I think couldnt solve a basic math problem, think these cards are the shit of shits. They would litterally kill another human to get one, much like starter jackets in the 1990s. Those people are seriously funny to watch, and the great thing is that most of them have robust channels on Youtube filled with maildays and SICK MOJO!

As for the six to eight piece jerseys, they usually are way too busy and way to retarded to garner my desire at all. Next time I want a card consisting of all the conference usa mid level rookies, Ill give topps a call to send me a pack of triple threads.

The Ugly

Triple Threads' biggest issue is a main problem for all topps high end - you dont get shit for what you pay. Its fucking special ed to buy this product, as for close to 175 dollars, you usually get a crap jersey auto and a crap jersey card. That is ludicrious. I would never even consider a single pack as a worthwhile bet, unless Joshua Johnson was my favorite RC of 2008.

The best part of all of this is that Topps main selling point of this product was the inclusion of the new 24 "piece" jersey fold outs that you can pull. Yes, you can now have a card that gives topps three whole lines to spell out the most random facts about your favorite player that you can think of. Want a picture of the player on the card you just pulled? Sorry, only a dime sized photo is put on each half of this fugly foldout. I really think that anyone who pays good money for these cards should be chemically or forcefully castrated in order to prevent them from adding to the genepool and creating more idiots who buy this fucking trash.

Lastly, as usual, Topps has put more 1/1's in this set than actual higher numbered cards. Its fucking crazy how many 1/1's there are for each card, and if you go by how many there are for each player, the number is staggering. Further proof that this set is only for the douches that ruin everything that is cool about the hobby.

I once touted this product as the inagural member of the Joe Collector HOF, and I hope you can see why. Basically, National Treasures comes out in a few weeks, so dont be a fucktard buy any of this.


  1. Wow, quite hateful. I actually worry about the cool multi-color patches. There are so many fakes out there, it will be hard to tell when buying singles what's real. The price for what you get isn't good. If that's the standard though, the biggest 'fucktard' would be someone who buys National Treasures at the prices they sell. Hell, breaking any wax makes you a moron if it's about value. I guess we all are stupid.

  2. It is quite hateful and hatefilled because topps high end anything pollutes the hobby with crap and creates sheep drones who run around buying sub par junk.

  3. I have to agree with Gellman here. 2 jersey autos for 175 or whatever they cost just isn't worth it.

    Jeff W is right, I suppose busting wax isn't a good value proposition but normally you get a bunch of cards for your money. Triple Crap gets you nothing.

  4. You pay more per hit than if you bought freaking Exquisite with this product, which is INSANE.

    I actually liked some cards coming out of 2007, but would never break the product. This is an example of a nice card from 2007:

    This years product look aweful though and the price should hardly be over $100 with 2 hits.

  5. I agree Stusi, if I got a Brian Brohm rc and a Chad Johnson piece of not actually game used I'd be pissed. Gellman just has his panties in a wad all the time. If you disagree with him, you too are a fucktard drone. The funny part is he buys NT. I love those cards, but I've seen plenty of horrible boxes in 07 and 08 and that's a lot of coin to drop on a few cards that might mean nothing to you. I've never seen high end be worth it. Let's be honest on the review though, axe to grind, little information, calling people stupid. We are all dumber for reading this.

  6. Jeff,

    I really never comment on this blog because Gellman usually says everything I want to say. Every once in a while, a douche gets bored with his pathetic life and drinks some haterade before coming on here and leaving some stupid comments meant to pick a fight. I always wonder what they expect to accomplish considering that the comment itself brings absolutely nothing to the world or this hobby.

    It comes down to this:

    I dont come here to learn, I can do that on my own at the shop or on ebay like a normal person. I come here to laugh at people like you, read some funny commentary on crap products like triple suck, and lastly, to live vicariously through the breaks that they do here pretty often. That is all this blog is meant to do.

    Ill admit I dont always agree with Gellman, but 95% of the time he is spot on. Plus, the guy has pretty much revolutionized card blogging with the Breaks, the Bat Around, and the many other things he has done. You know what that means? People do listen, regardless. I saw your comment on Wax Heaven and much to your chagrin, you are about as informed about Gellman's place on here as you are about what a good looking product looks like.

    Have fun grinding your own axe.

  7. Haha, Jeff, let me pull Greg's foot out of your ass for you. Man, up to the knee! That takes talent and then some.

    And for the record the word of the day is not fucktard, its Banana.

  8. Having recently come accross this blog (one of the few predominantly NFL card Blogs) and having read all of Gellman's posts, I have found this blog interesting, entertaining and almost alway I agree with Gellman.

    However, Jeff makes some good points. The fact is that if Gellman dislikes something, then only a fucktard/banana or whatever would like it in his eyes. Though hey, it's his blog, he can say what he thinks.

    Yes, Triple threads is horrible value - unless you get a really good hit. But then again, isn't that the case with Exquisite and (to a lesser extent) National Treasures? Unless you get a really good hit or two, high end isn't worth it. And let's face facts, spending hundreds of dollars on small pieces of cardboard because they have a small piece of jersey or an autograph on it isn't always the smartest move. Anyone who does this, including Gellman, and even myself, leave themselves open to be called (with some justification) a fucktard. Perhaps when Gellman has a go at people for wasting their money on products like Triple Threads he does this as a way of convincing himself that he's not wasting money on the cards he buys. $150 on an all day auto a waste of money? No, $150 on a box of triple thredas, now THAT's a waste of money - fucktards!

    However Greg coming to Gellman's defense is one of the funniest things I've seen on this blog. I've noticed an air of homo-eroticism on this blog, often crudely disguised by the homophobic insults.

    However I now suspect that we have our first sports cards uncensored romance. Greg, when are you going to declare your undying love for Gellman? It's only a matter of time I suspect. The question then becomes, is it reciprocal? If so, does Gellman start writing posts about the new love of his life, Greg and how cards bought them togther and nurtured their love? I'm betting their first child's name is Adrian/Adriano.