Product Review: 2008 Topps Triple Threads

This week, all around the world, people I think are the biggest retards, are rejoicing. Today, Topps Triple Threads: Joe Collector Edition is live and on the market. Despite the fact that I would rather rip my toenails out one by one than watch someone try to justify the existence of this shit party, many people are dancing in the streets. Im guessing, though, that these are the same people who have also wallpapered their bedrooms with wrappers from all the lettermen packs they opened.

The Good

There is not much that is good about this product. I mean, I really have to struggle to find a reason why I even need to talk about this traveshamockery of a product. Either way, Topps at least managed to put some good patches in the rookie cards. Thats pretty much the only good thing I could find here. Im completely serious. Yup, I would rather jack off a bear with foam hulk hands than even watch a simulated break of Triple Suck.

The Bad

Where to start, where to start. Well, lets start with the fact that this product has not changed, even in design, since 2006. I seriously cannot believe that Topps would even consider releasing a high end product year after year, with die cut shapes being the only difference between the releases. Its like Mac putting out new computers every year with the only difference being the color of the desktop background when you first start it up.

Secondly the cards were not even that good to begin with, considering how much they cost to buy. This year is not any different, as the pictures are ridiculously small to make room for their asinine die cut windows, and it looks beyond awful. On top of all that, when you get to the triple autos, the pics are even smaller. I cant understand that.

Moving on, the color schemes are so bad that I want to avert my eyes out of fear of retina damage. The crap is filled with bright green, bright blue, and bright everything, and it makes me think that lettermen was just the four horsemen to this apocalypse.

It gets worse as the product moves up the cost charts, mainly the the foldout duals and foldout jerseys. To tell you the truth, bigger cards should be awesome, and most of the time that is true. But due to the shear craptasticness of this set, and because all of the foldouts are so ridiculously ugly, that the above theory of bigger is better is crying in the corner. First off, with the dual autos, they are impossible to display, and are basically just two triple threads auto cards connected in the middle like a demonic siamese twin. What is even funnier, is that most of the people who I think couldnt solve a basic math problem, think these cards are the shit of shits. They would litterally kill another human to get one, much like starter jackets in the 1990s. Those people are seriously funny to watch, and the great thing is that most of them have robust channels on Youtube filled with maildays and SICK MOJO!

As for the six to eight piece jerseys, they usually are way too busy and way to retarded to garner my desire at all. Next time I want a card consisting of all the conference usa mid level rookies, Ill give topps a call to send me a pack of triple threads.

The Ugly

Triple Threads' biggest issue is a main problem for all topps high end - you dont get shit for what you pay. Its fucking special ed to buy this product, as for close to 175 dollars, you usually get a crap jersey auto and a crap jersey card. That is ludicrious. I would never even consider a single pack as a worthwhile bet, unless Joshua Johnson was my favorite RC of 2008.

The best part of all of this is that Topps main selling point of this product was the inclusion of the new 24 "piece" jersey fold outs that you can pull. Yes, you can now have a card that gives topps three whole lines to spell out the most random facts about your favorite player that you can think of. Want a picture of the player on the card you just pulled? Sorry, only a dime sized photo is put on each half of this fugly foldout. I really think that anyone who pays good money for these cards should be chemically or forcefully castrated in order to prevent them from adding to the genepool and creating more idiots who buy this fucking trash.

Lastly, as usual, Topps has put more 1/1's in this set than actual higher numbered cards. Its fucking crazy how many 1/1's there are for each card, and if you go by how many there are for each player, the number is staggering. Further proof that this set is only for the douches that ruin everything that is cool about the hobby.

I once touted this product as the inagural member of the Joe Collector HOF, and I hope you can see why. Basically, National Treasures comes out in a few weeks, so dont be a fucktard buy any of this.