A Comment On eBay Item Descriptions

As part of my research on eBay auctions, I have compiled a list of 10 or so claims that must be included in every auction you post if you are the smartest/coolest/MOJOist collector around. Now, for our audience at home, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THESE CLAIMS IS ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT TRUE. It was verified by a guy at a friend's shop. I saw it with my own eyes. Because of this, you must put this in your auction so your item will sell for more.

1. This card is MINT condition
2. This card is a 1/1
3. The player on this card is going to be a hall of famer
4. The player on this card is going to do amazing this year / have a breakout season
5. Get this card before he blows up like ____________
6. This is the best card in the set
7. I am selling this card for a friend who pulled this amazing patch card
8. This is the only one on eBay, so its very rare / 1 of 1 / expensive
9. I will consider any offer
10. Another card just like this sold for _____________

Thank god all of these are true, because I am going to bid at least 50 dollars more because of that.