Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Topps Dooms Us To 14 Full Minutes Of Complete and Utter Shame

Douching Instructional Video from The Hobby's #1 Authority On Douchebaggery on Vimeo.

Someone tell me what they pulled, I fell asleep at minute 6.

Other than that, is anyone else laughing that Beckett got sent a Hobby box instead of the HTA? Its like Topps either wanted us to suffer through this "break" (or wanted them to suffer through it from the looks of it). Good job you wholly intelligent marketing reps!

Oh, and can someone call these brats' parents and tell them to clean up? I bet their rooms are just as bad as the mess they made here.

Also, after watching video after video after video of this shit, Im suprised that more people arent pissed that these idiots handle the cards the way they do. Listen, we know they are free, but that doesnt mean you need to beat the fuck out of them, im sure the kids who go to day care with Hackler would probably like them.


  1. Oh joy! That was a blast. I can relate a lot to these guys. When I bust a box, I like to throw each card frizbee style at my wall in hopes that they'll chip the paint off. Anyone who stacks their cards neatly and carefully as to not ding them, is a pansy.

  2. "Also, after watching video after video after video of this shit, Im suprised that more people arent pissed that these idiots handle the cards the way they do."

    Thank you! It's a fucking embarassment!

  3. I happened to run across your blog a few weeks ago. I have returned a few times over the past month to see if the crying and moaning ever stops. Gellman do you ever have a good day? You are obviously obsessed with Beckett and jealous of their success. They run a poll for a couple of days and get thousands of votes. You run one for a month and get 116. Yeah, you are making a big difference in the hobby you love so much.

    As a college graduate with a degree in pyschology, it is easy to see your mis-placed anger for Beckett, Mr. Hackler and his colleagues, Upper Deck, and everyone that opens a nice pack of cards, is a cry for help, because of your joy-less pathetic existence in the basement of your parents' home. Maybe one day you can move into your own place.

    I am sure that if TracyH really is Mr. Hackler, he laughs everytime he reads one of these rants, because once again you fell for it. He is punishing you on the videos by pushing buttons he knows makes your glasses steam up and here you go again with another crybaby rant.

    If you had the intelligence to form a sentence and thought without profane language, perhaps your views of clandestine conspiracy would come across as something other than constant whining from a knucklehead.I am sure your parents are proud when they read your posts.

    Beckett GIVES AWAY all of those cards you cry about seeing them open - yeah its a big conspiracy. No, actually this is called free enterprise in America. Beckett has built a reputation as the most trusted source in the trading card industry - so get over it - or go start collecting beanie babies, Coca-Cola collectibles, Hannah Montana or something that brings a little sunshine to your day.

    Actually, please don't leave. I love your blog. You and the other few dozen people that know about it, give me a big laugh daily.

    Big props to Tracy Hackler, the folks at Beckett, UD, Donruss and anyone else you hate.

    You apparently started this blog because of the UD Exquisite box break on Beckett. A product for which you and I both know, you could not afford to purchase, so it really had no affect on your hapless life.

    Perhaps you should have remembered the old saying - It is better to keep one's mouth shut and be thought a fool rather than opening one's mouth and removing all doubt.

    censor this gellboy

    A Fan

  4. A True Fan (Greg)July 24, 2008 at 11:36 AM

    To A Fan - Im glad you had the balls to post with no name.

    Either way, Mr. Fan, what you've just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone on this blog is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

    Gellman - keep up the great work. Dont listen to this cocksucker.

  5. Oh Mr. A Fan, how glorious of you to grace us with your almighty presence.

    Hey? you want food? My mom can whip some up for us. Hold on a sec.

    MA!!! Meatloaf!! We need some MEATLOAF!!! NOW!!

    Its really too bad that you had to stoop so low as to come and comment. Its obvious I am completely below you.

    Either way, you dont like the blog, I take it. That really makes me sad because it was you I was trying to impress when I started this.

    MA!!!!!!!!!! WHERE IS THE MEATLOAF!?!?

    As for visitors, I dont get many because this blog is so fucking terrible. I mean, why even try, right? Its all about visitors, thats all that matters, and I cant get any.

    Instead Ill just waste away with my non-psychology degree, typing away in my mother's basement and hope that one day, I can read someone like you on a daily basis. I mean, we dont need to question a thing about this world. Everything is as it seems, I know that! Someone needs to let people in on that secret.


    Now, because I am poor and cant afford to spend 500 bucks on 7 cards, it was wrong of me to even think that it was appropriate to comment about what had happened in march. I should have stayed quiet, and continued to appease the Beckett gods. Instead, I broke the 5th commandment, Thou shalt always consult Beckett for everything hobby related. That was completely stupid.

    I should have been thought a fool, but instead I stupidly chose have fun writing every day, make relationships with just about every company out there, and be cited as a resource on one of the internet's most read sites when they talked about cards. That was stupid, stupid, stupid.

    From now on I promise to be a good person who doesnt curse (people never say those words anyways) and I will do everything in my power to make sure that I make as many friends as possible.

    And lastly, I promise to move out of my parent's basement because its ridiculously obvious that my life cant go anywhere until I do. Of course, who would want to move out with meatloaf like this?

  6. Holy shit!

    Things must be really slow at Beckett HQ if Hack-ler and his butt-boys had the time on their hands to concoct that fucking travesty of a comment.

    UD musn't have sent over any boxes today.

    Or maybe the pricing hat is on the fritz and they got bored.

    P.S. - Way to sack up and post with no name there buddy.

  7. The Meatloaf stuff was freakin' classic!!!

  8. Sorry -

    My Name Is Earl

    I was writing to my brother Darrell - you know him as Gellman.

    Did all of you - Greg, Gellman & Charlie learn your language skills fom your proud parents?

    Gellman, from your pictures I assumed you were a vegetarian.

    OOPS, I dinged a corner of an Upper Deck Victory card, I am so mad, I gotta go

    A Fan named Earl

  9. Earl: Yeah, Im kinda chubby because when you live at home in your parent's basement, you dont need to do much, mom does everything. (HI MOM!!)

    Oh, and good call going to the fat jokes! I love this game. Its called "Can you burn me worse than a 5th grader?"

    It was supposed to be hosted by Bill Engvall or whoever that guy is, but he didnt think the show swore enough. Think about that one! Ok my turn!

    Earl you know how I know you're gay? You look at pictures of guys and critique their appearance.

  10. To A Fan (named Earl)

    No, no, no - you have it all wrong, I'M the Vegetarian who contributes to SCU. I also learned how to write at UCLA where I got my B.A. in English with a 3.24 GPA.

    The difference between the two writing styles, blogging and professional writing is vast however. BLOGGING came from journaling, which doesn't necessarily have to have the most proper format, or even have a point.

    I'm also sorry that I'm not gay enough for you; even though I'm a stay-at-home dad at the moment, I'm still happily married. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay, some of my best friends are gay.

    Too bad you can't be man enough to post under your REAL name, then we could all figure out which employee of Beckett you are.

  11. Besides that, isn't the picture one of Steve Carrell?

  12. Yes, Prison Mike: HARD TIME.

    Do everyone a favor and start watching the Office, best show on TV.

    And while we are whipping ours out, I also graduated with a BA in English from George Washington. Its really too bad that all I could turn that into was a bed in my parent's basement though! My life is a shame.

    Too bad Earl cant come over and make me into an upstanding citizen with good inglesh skilz.

  13. Steve Carell hasn't been cool since his time on the Daily Show and when he voiced the Ambigiously Gay Duo.

    He needs to go away for a while.

  14. Boys, boys. Why are we still dignifying this doitch bag with responses?

    I know it's been said before, but it's a classic.

    Arguing on the internet, is like competing in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still a retard :)

    (gosh, I hope my grammer was ok)