One More Hilarious FJM Article Before I Get Back To Cards

http://deadspin.com/5360509/expository-writing

So funny.

Jesus is the Derek Jeter of Christianity

Fire Joe Morgan was so good at what they did that Im actually positive that there were a few tears shed about their departure from writing about baseball. Actual tears, not fake virtual "OMG Dont Leavez!" tears. They have had one last go of it over on deadspin.com, and I think I may have hurt myself laughing at their destruction of some articles written by morons who call themselves sports writers. Obviously after this post I wrote last week, their discussion of an article calling for Derek Jeter to be AL MVP was my favorite. Just fucking amazingly funny and well written, all of which are obviously absent here on this blog. Do yourself a favor and read.

http://deadspin.com/5360440/jesus-is-the-derek-jeter-of-christianity

I Will Now Be Watching Parks and Recreation Every Week

After constantly reading about the sadness surrounding Adenhart's death, this was quite the pick-me-up.

For those of you who dont know, Fire Joe Morgan is the best baseball blog ever. Its not even a contest. I base a lot of my humor on theirs, and you see how lame it is. Imagine if it was actually good! Thats what FJM is. Go read through the archives and laugh your ass off. You wont ever read a sports article the same again.

Joe Posnanski interviewed Michael Schur, AKA Ken Tremendous on his blog and SI.com, and I must say, I am now excited for Parks and Recreation. It will be amazing just because these guys are behind it. Also, the line about Marlins fans is HOF worthy.

Linky

Something I Will Miss Deeply

Earlier today, Fire Joe Morgan, one of my favorite sites on the net announced that they were not going to be posting anymore due to a number of reasons. Being that the flagship writer is also a writer for the Office, im not surprised that they dont have the time anymore. If you have not read FJM, you have missed out on some of the most clever, hilarious, and "snarky" blogging ever, and I dont like you any more.

I know that not everyone snoops around the 'sphere, so ill clue you in. The every day MO for the site is basically to take a piece written by the seeemingly endless pool of awful sports writers and comically dissect every awful hyperbole and bad stat they use. Their main goal was to clue people in to the awful announcing skills of emmy winner Joe Morgan, more specifically his ridiculously funny weekly chats on ESPN.com, and also to show people like Buzz Bissinger that there are bloggers out there who DO know what they are talking about.

In fact, I would credit them with sparking my interest in blogs, and I have been a reader for a very long time. I couldnt listen to a baseball broadcast without thinking of their commentary, and I no longer judge a pitcher or batter by the awful and stupid standard stats that they are always judged by.

Thank you to them for the laughs and the commentary, it will be missed for sure.

Baseball's MVP: Two Amazing Takes

First I want to pump Joe Posnanski because he is one of the smartest and well spoken sports writers out there. He doesnt stupidly dismiss anything that might actually make sense in an argument, unlike other writers who automatically do when it comes to STAT-geeks. People, I cant stress this enough, if you havent read him, read him. He is great.

Then when you are done, head over to FJM. The guys who write it are hilarious, and they have some of the most witty and wonderful remarks I have ever read about the stupidity of sports journalists and their overzealous affinity for being hyperbolic close minded idiots. I love it.

Both articles I just linked to express the PROPER way to look at an MVP vote. All this crap about what "valuable" means is summed up wonderfully in both pieces. Personally, I have no idea why people hate stats like VORP, WPA and EqA when its obvious they can give us a better understanding of the game. Baseball is one of the most stat driven sports out there, and for people to determine a Pitcher's worth by Wins and a hitters worth by AVG and RBI is just stupid. Mauer is just as valuable to the twins as Morneau and he hits an eighth of the HRs that Justin does. Baseball is less about dingers and more about being a good player. Luckily VORP and other stats are a great way of showing that.

Breaking Down CBS's Top 15

CBS recently released their Top 50 NFL players in the game today. Here is the article for those of you who want to check it out (I would). I wanted to respond, in terms of sports cards and sports in general, so my response is in italics.

1. Tom Brady, QB, New England Patriots: Can he do any more than he did last season? The scary thing for the rest of the league is, yes he can.

As of 6 months ago, his cards were the most expensive there was. Period. TWGM values soared higher than anyone expected, and a lot of people made a ton of money. These days, prices are still pretty high, but they are deservedly so. Three time SB winner, record holder for most TDs in a season, led team to 16-0 year. The guy is one of the best ever.

2. Peyton Manning, QB, Indianapolis Colts: Even Manning's down seasons are sensational. If Marvin Harrison is back this year, watch out.

Manning was a hobby giant from the beginning and he still is one of the hobby's favorite sons. His contenders RC auto was where Brady's was before the boom, and when all is said and done, they will end up about the same price. I think he is poised for a SB run this year, so maybe jump in while you can.

3. LaDainian Tomlinson, RB, San Diego Chargers: His failure to play in the AFC Championship Game hurts his rep some, but he's still the best runner in the game.

If Favre was still playing, he'd be here. In terms of current stars, he was number two below Brady, which is very unusual considering Green Bay is...well Green Bay. Favre, although I hate to admit it, is one of the games greatest QBs and his hobby value will stick around for good.

On to Tomlinson, he is the 2nd RB in the Hobby, though he is first on the field. The guy has put up number after number and done it while pretty much healthy. As I have said before, that is a better judge of talent these days than anything. He also turned the Chargers from a perennial last place team to a first place one. His value is well founded and I see him as around where Emmitt and Sanders are when he is done.

4. Randy Moss, WR, New England Patriots: Talk about resurrecting a reputation. He wasn't on many top 50 lists a year ago. Now he's a top 10 player.

Randy Moss is great, but he wont be here at this spot after next season. Last year was one in a million and I dont see the Pats repeating anything even close. Moss has value in the hobby, but as a WR, he is not a hobby hero. I think one of the main reasons that Rice overcame that to obtain to WR value is because of attitude, which Moss lacks. He is a jerk and really wont be worth as much as he could have been if he was much nicer.

5. Champ Bailey, CB, Denver Broncos: It's chic to pick his game apart. That's foolish. Bailey is still the best cover corner in the game.

I agree that Bailey is the best CB in the game. Hands down. Hobby wise, he is the most valuable too, but that isnt saying much.

6. Mario Williams, DE, Houston Texans: Williams is making the Texans proud for passing on Reggie Bush and Vince Young to take this pass rusher. He might have been the league's best defensive player in the final eight weeks of 2007.

What a suprise he has been, huh? Bush puts up typical RC development numbers and takes the heat while Williams is cool as a cucumber. It showed last season too, as he moved into the upper eschelon of D-guys. Hobby wise, he will never be big because of his position.

7. Bob Sanders, S, Indianapolis Colts: The only thing holding him back is the injury issues. When he's on the field, the Colts have a different defense.

His name doesnt fit, but the guy is an anchor on defense. I disagree with his position on this list, because he isnt the reason the colts have a good defense. He is a contributor to that, but the D is good either way. When it comes to the cards, forget it.

8. Carson Palmer, QB, Cincinnati Bengals: After Brady and Manning he's the third-best quarterback. The Bengals need to run it a little better to take the heat off him.

Why the fuck is he so high on here? God, this is crazy. He is good, but not even close in the top 10 here. I think Eli is better than him at this point and even Rivers and Roethlisberger have a shot at beating him out too. No chance. Top QBs in the league according to actual stats: Favre, Brady, Manning, Manning, Roethlisberger, Rivers, Garrard. No mention of Palmer. When you talk about his cards, other than RC year he is a ghost.

9. DeMarcus Ware, OLB, Dallas Cowboys: He was given more freedom in Wade Phillips' version of the 3-4 and played better in 2007. Ware is a speed rusher who has his best football still in front of him.

Another suprise to me, considering that there are other LBs I would put ahead of him. Urlacher has more talent but a shittier team, Merriman is about the same but not on as visible of a team. The 'Boys D is great, but for a lot of reasons. Screw the guy who wrote this article.

10. Kevin Williams, DT, Minnesota Vikings: He is a powerful inside player who teams with Pat Williams to form the best tackle tandem in the league. He is good against the run, yet quick enough to get pass-rush penetration.

All homer-ism aside, he is the best Tackle in the game. The Vikes now have the best D-line, and possibly the best D, so I say this is a pretty good spot for him. When it comes to Defense in the cards, he falls in line, and hasnt had an auto since RC year.

11. Shawne Merriman, LB, San Diego Chargers: Merriman is a pass-rush force off the edge. His quickness and power are the perfect combination for the Chargers' 3-4 system. You have to account for him on every pass play.

This guy is a fucking douchebag, but he is a great LB. Steroids and other violations make him hated around the league, but certain people love him - I bet you can guess who. Either way, hobby value is middle of the road because of position. Where is Urlacher?

12. Jared Allen, DE, Minnesota Vikings: He led the league in sacks last season with the Chiefs. The Vikings added him to give them the best defensive line in the league. Allen plays hard all the time.

This guy was amazing last year and made his division pay for playing. In cards, he has nothing like Williams, which is sad, but expected. He deserves to be here, for now.

13. Terrell Owens, WR, Dallas Cowboys: Forget all the theatrics. He's a star player. He bounced back from his off 2006 season to be one of the best last season. I'd take him on my team any day.

You want him on your team? You can have him. His theatrics are the worst thing to happen to football since Randy Moss said he doesnt play every down. The cancer he brings into the locker room isnt worth the production on the field, for me at least. Football is more intangible centric because of the nature of the sport - something I hate to admit - but it is. The same people that love Merriman, love Owens. If you can guess who these people are, you are a smart guy. They arent the Joe Collectors, in case you are wondering.

14. Albert Haynesworth, DT, Tennessee Titans: Before he got hurt midway through last season, he was on his way to a potential Defensive Player of the Year award. When motivated, he is as good as anybody inside.

Personally, this is bullshit. Only one RB before this guy on the list? Fuck that. You cant have a good team without a good QB and RB. You can have a good defense without a good DT. This is crap, especially because he hasnt put up what Williams has, and he is on a crappy team with a middle of the road D.

15. Adrian Peterson, RB, Minnesota Vikings: Peterson was special as a rookie and should be even better this time around. He is a big, strong and fast and can rip off the big runs with an Eric Dickerson-like ease.

1st in the hobby, 1st in my heart, 2nd in the league. He wont be next year though, especially since MN didnt draft a good QB like Brohm to bench and develop this year while Jackson flounders for the last time. Stupid if you ask me. Plus, he still hasnt proven he is not injury prone, and he hasnt proven he can produce with 8-9 in the box. His values in the hobby will dip this year, but based on last year, he should be higher. 3 players in the top 15 for the Vikes though, nice.

This list is a D- for whoever wrote it, but it shows where the people in the industry put their values. If you aint a QB or RB, forget it, you wont be worth much. Kinda sad that defensive guys dont get their due. Here is my list for top 2007 hobby current stars, plus favre.

1. Brady
2. Peterson
3. Favre
4. Manning
5. Tomlinson
6. Romo
7. Roethlisberger
8. Bush
9. Manning 2
10. V. Young

This is Beyond Ridiculous Pt 2: Even More Ridiculous?

After reading the second part to "For the Love of Sitting Around and Flipping Through a Price Guide" I might just stop going to baseball card shops all together, just to spite this guy. Holy fucking shit, man! The Baseball Card Blog (no link on purpose), has created a world where Baseball Cards have ceased to exist all because, wait - sit down for this, price guides have stopped their publication. It begins with the descripion of a pure utopia in collecting (my commentary, fire joe morgan style in italics):

"Here’s the situation. The list prices in price guides have been deemed useless on such a massive scale that Beckett and FW have ceased their publication. With no widely available prices, the majority of collectors now consult eBay for accurate card prices."

I love it. No longer will a douchebag ridden magazine set the prices for the 50% of uneducated idiots that still consult beckett for prices.

"Dealers do the same. And after they view the umpteenth autographed patch 1/1 card go for less than $20–pulled from a box that dealers paid a premium on to sell–they stop ordering high-end products from the manufacturers. The dealers understand that if they’re seeing these auctions on eBay, their potential customers are winning them."

Ba-what? Dealers who see the card pulled from a 500 dollar box stop ordering wax because their customers cant sell their pulls for a lot of money? How hasnt the customer part not happened already? I guarantee that the dealers will not stop ordering boxes because people are going to eBay to sell what they get. You know why? It already happens every fucking day, you arrogant ass. Dealers like Northridge Sports Cards and Santa Monica Sports Cards make their bread and butter selling boxes where people pull nothing and sell them for nothing. Do they fucking care that their customers cant sell them for shit on eBay? Sure, but only on a personal level. What they care about is that it has become more convenient for their customers to buy WAX on eBay rather than paying INFLATED prices at a shop. Once again, Im sorry that it sucks you cant spend 30 minutes bullshitting with Blowout Cards, but it is a necessary evil. Despite this trend, both the shops are doing fine. Seriously, if your shop is relying on singles to function, they NEED to go down with the ship.

"So many dealers stop ordering these cards that the manufacturers have a difficult decision to make: finally listen to dealers and put more value in each box of product, or dismiss dealers altogether and work exclusively with big box stores like Target, Kmart and Wal-Mart. It comes as no surprise when the manufacturers go with the latter choice."

This could be the worst paragraph ever written in the history of sports card blogs. Manufacturers will never go with the second choice because Target, Kmart and Wal-mart will NEVER, EVER, EEEEEEEVAAAR pay 500 bucks for a box of cards. They have flat screens and plasmas to sell rather than that bullshit. I would see UD and DLP sell to eBay directly before they do this.

Upper Deck to Target: Umm, yeah, we want to market Exquisite directly to Target.
Target: Sounds great, how much does it cost?
Upper Deck: At cost, about 400 bucks a box. You would probably want to mark it up to 599.
Target: *Click*
Upper Deck: Hello? Hello?

You dont think they have enough problems with security and shrink on their current stock? Now they gotta worry about protecting this shit, let alone SELLING it to collectors like me that would MUCH rather buy it from a trusted source without weirdo 50 year old men fondling our prized investment every 5 minutes...Ugh, it gets worse.

"Because the majority of shops deal primarily in new cards, they start to close. Collectors don’t notice right away, as most of them are tuned to eBay. And besides, the hobby’s gone through this before and survived, so what’s the big deal? Also, everybody’s got a Wal-Mart near them, so who cares if one more shop goes out of business? Shops sell off their inventory and shutter."

Again, this has already happened, but guess what? Shops are still open. Ebay is currently the hobby's biggest card shop. Other shops survive because they have found innovative ways to stay open and because they know what to sell: WAX and lots of it.

"Dealers at baseball card shows don’t feel the same pressure right away, though many of them do feel their brethren’s plight. Instead, without book prices to consult on every transaction, desperate, frenetic dealers result to using their best judgment. Collectors, fully aware of the situation dealers are in, refuse to be charged “judgment call prices.” Many dealers, citing lack of meaningful sales at shows, stop booking booths. What few shows remain shrink in attendance until they cease to exist. The National is the lone exception, chugging away, though it’s a magnet for news media to lament the hobby crisis. “Ain’t in the Card$,” is the New York Post headline."

Or better yet, dealers use eBay prices and collectors finally find a great marketplace - outside of the scam ridden internet - to buy their cards. Or even better than that, Dealers, who have paid eBay prices to get their cards, stop marking it up and decide to open shops rather than booking tables at shows and sell their cards back to the collector on ebay. Now, because the New York Post would never write such and awful headline, nor post an article on collecting with this as its subject, I wont even address it.

"Without dealers, the manufacturers are no longer in the dominant bargaining position. They’re at the whim of the big box stores. Product’s gonna be late? OK, we’re diminishing your shelf space. The manufacturers are not used to their role as ‘just another product.’ What happened to all those dealers they used to push around?"

I dont understand the point of this. So without dealers they decide to stop producing despite having a perfectly good marketplace in eBay where they can still make the same, if not more, money? This is pure dribble. I dont even know where to go. Oh, but wait, there's STILL MORE!

"If I haven’t given my critics enough fodder already, here’s some more:

• The future of the hobby most certainly will not play out the way I’ve got it, though certain aspects of it are very close to happening now."

Trust me, you have given me a gold mine of material. However, thanks for acknowledging that your above written was basically a practice in stupidity and was not worth the space it was printed on (nothing).

"• No matter how much we distrust the prices within price guides, they’re essential to the well being of the hobby. If you’ve got a plan for injecting realistic card values into the hobby without killing hobby shops and show dealers off, please, I’m all ears."

First of all, they are FAR from "essential." They are a way for a magazine to justify their worthless existence on the planet. Other than that, price guides are worth less than nothing to the hobby. As for the second part, do you enjoy paying inflated prices for your cards? Why are you set on keeping shops and dealers in this hobby if they continue to sell you cards at twice the price you can get on a true free marketplace? I love the way you support dealers and shops PAYING eBay prices to get their cards but selling them to you at double.

My plan? Hobby shops should get out of singles. Period. Then, they should focus on selling two things: guaranteed autographed memorabilia and wax. I say this because wax prices are the only thing that eBay cant guarantee as the lowest price. With shipping prices at 10 dollars plus, stores can compete with using their own mark ups. As for guaranteed memorabilia, eBay cannot compete due to scams. Fake autos are so rampant, Im weary of even buying PSA/DNA authenticated stuff anymore. Shops have the ability to get their own materials and and get them auto'ed. Buy from PSA and other authentic sources and save me the trouble of going through places I dont trust for my auto'ed stuff.

"• One last thing: I wanted to work graded cards into this somehow, but never found a good spot. If raw singles aren’t really worth their book value, what about graded cards? I know that entire price guides cater to graded specimen, but will/should these prices be combined with prices for unslabbed cards? Or would that negate the values assigned to those that have been slabbed? Also, why does it feel to me that dealing in graded cards is going to be what saves shop owners and show dealers?"

This whole "one last thing" makes no sense, but what else is new? Graded cards are pretty much one big conflict of interest to begin with. Besides, it was solely created as a mechanism for, *gasp*, eBay and the like. It protected the buyer from unforseen........oh forget it. Just look here and here.

I know its against my better judgement to take on one of the biggest blogs out there, but still, who wants to put up with this shit? I hope the sheep dont take what he says as gospel. Just to set a precedent: after this, I will not be reading his blog without a very strong bias, and I encourage you to do the same.

As collectors we are thrown to the wolves almost daily by the very sources that are sworn to be our advocates. Why is this guy supporting everyone's enemy? His platform supports paying higher prices because it keeps the good ole days in tact, it supports price guides because they supposedly provide a non-existant backbone to the hobby, and lastly it supports underhanded dealers and shops who do their best to scam you out of your hard earned money because they dont have any.

Thank you, Woody Paige of sports card collecting, you have opened my eyes!!

To Infinity, AND BEYOND!

I just got back home to Minneapolis tonight for the first time in about six months. I sat and looked at my DVR and went through my episodes of the office and family guy and saw that I had also taped the episode of Costas Now where sports blogs were the topic of discussion.

Watch the video here

As I watched Buzz and Will face off, all I could think about is how much of a self absorbed douchebag Buzz is. He thinks that the sports writer is endangered because people are no longer turning to them for their sports news. Instead they check out deadspin and firejoemorgan to get a fan's take on things. What he failed to realize is that people go to FJM and Deadspin because the average sportswriter has become ridiculously off the pulse of the sports they are covering. People like me hate reading today's sports writers because they just arent that good any more. I have been a loyal reader of FJM for the last three years and I believe that they have more of an idea of what is going on than 95% of the guys out there. Of course, they are constantly dismissed as basement ridden geeks with keyboards, mainly because the writers who have dedicated their lives to the art are being shown up by non-professionals.

Buzz has taken his anger to a level that makes him comical - he has become the type of guy we go to deadspin to read about. I love deadspin because it is fucking hilarious 99% of the time, I usually dont go there for news. That is what Buzz had no clue about. We read deadspin because it is entertaining, not because they have the scoops. Now, if ESPN's coverage of the Draft is any clue, they dont have the scoops either.

What I think is funny is the hatred of change in the writers guild. If there is a unique idea, it has to be bad because it hasnt ever been done that way before! For God's sake, to them, Sabremetrics is the devil because it doesnt take into account all the useless junk that they have been using for ages to judge a player's worth. I know for a fact that change is good, and unlike Buzz's rant on the show, the future is definitely going to be awesome with people like Will at the helm. Or at least more entertaining.

Overall, I give a kudos to all the guys that write the sports blogs out there. Bad or good, it challenges our daily understanding of the sports world. It gives a unique perspective, and people who think more perspectives are a bad thing, really need to re-evaluate their pathetic lives.

FJM and Deadspin, keep up the good work, ill be watching.