Monday, June 8, 2009

Superdouche Afternoon Theatre

Its been a while since I have posted my hatred for people who act like 13 year olds around the net, and today I experienced an interaction on a message board that made me think things are hopeless for informed people. I got an email that someone I didn’t know had PMed me and asked if Topps Triple Turds was a good buy now that the price has dropped from an astronomical MSRP down to something like 120. His words were, "Dude, I have a place to get Trip Threads for 120, and I am thinking of buying in. I mean the MOJO potential is huge and the price is really low. What do you think?" I almost set my monitor ablaze to dance naked around its smoldering remains.

For those who are unfamiliar with my feelings, people who say "MOJO" when not referring to Homer Simpson's helper monkey, Austin Powers' libido, or the channel on TV, are by far the scummiest of the scum. Whenever I see someone refer to any card as "MOJO" I literally puke a little in my mouth. It lowers my low respect level even more when someone uses it for every fucking video for their channel on Youtube. The term sucks, I want to punch people when I hear it in person, and if I even hear the words "last pack MOJO" come out of someone's mouth in consecutive order, I will go get my flamethrower out of my trunk.

When you use "MOJO" in any fashion, worse if you say a player's name in conjunction with it (i.e OMG PETERSON-JO!!!!), I cannot respect you as an equal. You are the definition of a Joe Collector. You are the person who posts maildays on youtube. You are the person who buys Triple Threads. You are the person who looks up every card in your beckett to see how much it is worth. You are the person who will only trade cards when book value is exactly even. You post a steal with every auction purchase. You have 1,000 comments posted on Beckett's blog. You buy blasters for hits. You buy manufactured letters with sticker autos. You are captain doucheface.

Then, to have the nerve to ask me if Triple Turds is a good buy at 120 dollars only adds fuel to the fire. Triple Threads wouldn’t be a good buy at 10 dollars a pack. I am 100% dead serious. You get 2 hits per box, which most of the time will have a crap RC auto with three nonsense diecut windows, and a jersey card of some mid level guy. For 170 dollars. Bring it down to 120 and you are still 100 dollars above a good buy. First off, the stickers on these cards look stupid as hell with carved out windows for them. Second, the design hasn’t changed in 3 years, they just added some of the most ugly cards ever with the fold outs. Third, it breaks the topps high end rule, and for 2 hits at that price, I stand by it. Fourth, the price has dropped over 30% since release, that should show you how bad this shit really is. Lastly, the actual 'good' cards you can pull still don’t break box price. Go ahead, check it out.

So, let me reiterate, Triple Threads is the worst recurring product of the year until Topps Sterling hits the market, and MOJO should never be used in reference to cards unless you enjoy me reaching through your computer and mouse whipping you until you cry.


  1. I completly agree with you on both your facts that Triple threads are a crime against collecting ( my words) and MOJO is just FN stupid whicj is an understatent bcuz I to hate puking even a little in my mouth weh I hear it or see it... Yet That was the harshest blog lashing I have ever witnessed to someone that was asking you for help, But I guess if you ask a stupid question then throw Mojo into it. Well you get abused like a red headed stepchild blogger. Grant

  2. Can I please borrow your flame thrower? I'll refill it when I'm done. Please?

  3. You broke that email down from "a paragraph down to a haiku"...told that mofo MOJO "get back and sit in your seat cause I don't like you!"

  4. I don't get how a set that's clearly based on the strength of its inserts has base cards that are 10x as classy-looking as those same inserts. Triple Threads needs a massive overhaul, and Topps needs to start by stopping the "clever" jersey windows. And changing the color schemes completely. And not issuing plates for the billions of variant cards in the set. And by dropping the price to no more than $100. And..