Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Chew It Back! CHEW IT BACK!

I have been going through the last six months of posts today, and I have found some products that are so bad, I would advise you remove a toe rather than buy them, because the pain will be similar. These football products are so bad, I have a hard time keeping my lunch down while writing about them.

1. Topps Triple Threads - I rag on this product for a reason. It never changes, its ridiculously expensive for what you get, and anyone who pulled a David Clowney triple jersey auto as their hit has felt this pain. There is nothing redeeming about this product, and it should be offered as a sacrifice to the card gods.

2. Bowman Sterling - I cant fucking believe how much this product costs for what you get. Its like 280 bucks for 5 no-namers and 1-2 good autos at 50 bucks a piece if you are lucky. Plus its Topps, so the jersey cards you get "are not from any specific event, game, or season." The fact that this product costs SO much with giving you so little, makes me put it on this list. The cards being ugly and the stickers on a high end product make this even higher on the list.

3. SP Chirography - Another horribly priced product with nothing to show for it. You get 8 autos, but they will all be Deshawn Wynn. If you get something good, it will be an ugly insert auto of John Beck. If there was a brutal break award of 2007 - this product was it. I have seen excited faces go to shit after one pack of this brutality. If it was 100 bucks instead of 200+ at release, I may change my rankings.

4. Trilogy - I think this product is the most worthless high end product ever created. At around 300 per box at release, you get three autos or some crap like that, some jerseys, a patch, and 3 plexiglass RCs. The problem was, the product was filled with such crap, that you almost always had a brutal break. When Adrian Peterson's auto is a redemption, and the redeemed card isnt breaking 150 a month after release - YOU HAVE PROBLEMS. Just worthless crap for cards.

5. Topps CoSigners - Never has the dual auto been so ravaged by a set. You get one per box, and its most likely going to be Isaiah Stanback and some guy you have never heard of. The cards were crazy-fugly, and the parallels were harder to understand than an episode of "I love money." Hyper-plaid? Ja-huh? At 120 bucks a box at release, I would rather spend my money on euthanizing my dog.

6. Topps Performance - This product was so bad, they had to promise an Adrian Peterson auto in every case just to get people to buy it. I have never seen such ugly cards mixed with a bad idea for a product. This whole set was ripped off of Paradigm from 2006, eventhough Paradigm was probably worse than this. It takes talent to make a set worse than Paradigm.

7. Topps TX Exclusive - A wonderfully creative idea with the execution that of a retarded whale. Signed superbowl ticket stubs is a beyond awesome idea, but to not include anyone worth while and to use those awful stickers instead of on card autos is fucking ludicrious. Not to mention that you paid 240 dollars for a redemption of a Lofa Tatupu auto, that must blow.

8. SP Rookie Threads - Such a bad product that it has actually dropped more than 100 dollars below the original price point. Manufactured letters with awful color schemes and a super high price point with absolutely no potential for good cards, makes this an awful buy. I never thought someone would create a product based around scrub autos and event used jerseys. I was sadly wrong. Let me know when you pull a Kenneth Darby auto out of your 50 dollar pack.

9. Ultimate Football - This product had some good stuff, but the fact that every auto subset looked EXACTLY the same, puts it on this list. The fact that the design for all the subsets was as cool as 1988 donruss baseball, makes this an all-time blunder. Wait, I just paid 399 for 3 Paul Williams autos and a RC auto of Michael Griffin? Crap.

10. Playoff Contenders - I know a lot of people love this product, but the boxes were beyond awful last year. The good tickets were so few and far between that it wasnt worth it to buy 4 boxes of this and not pull anything more than an Anthony Gonzalez. I still think this product needs a revamp.


  1. can we apply these same sucky products to avoid in baseball?

  2. I see your point on Sterling, but I have to admit that I am a sucker for those gold patch autos. I think they look really nice. Don't crack the stuff much, but I pick up the singles here and there.

    I also love Contenders, but I opened up 4 boxes last year and my best auto was a Jamaal Anderson SP redemption. That is unless Johnnie Lee Higgins blows up. I don't know what the problem was this year. Do you think they went too deep? or overproduced? I hope your right though, and they fix that problem.

  3. I bought 2 packs of playoff contenders '07 and pulled the $450 Kenny Irons emediatly redeemed it Im on the 8th month waiting for it what a bioutch HOOK'EM HORNS