Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Donruss Must Be So Pissed

They're baaaaaaaaaack. And they are worse than ever. Don’t believe me? Click here.

For this disgrace, they decided to ditch the formality, the room, and from what I can see, all pretenses of their dignity.

Luckily SCU had a spy with a hidden camera in the conference room during the set up meeting/table reading for the script. Here is the transcription:

Beckett Director: Ok, so DLP didn’t learn their lesson and they sent us another "box" of 2008 Prestige to open on video. After last time's clusterfuck, you guys are lucky to have jobs, let alone the chance to make another video. Lets not fuck this one up gentlemen, okay?

Tracy: You said fuck.

Beckett Director: Who let Hackler in here? He is supposed to be in daycare.

Beckett Lackey 1: Umm, you did.

Beckett Director: Fine, whatever, someone give him his passie before he gets fussy. Anyways, this time we hired someone to do the video for you so you guys don’t "beckett" this one up. (Aside to his assistant: Like that one? I put it on the message boards so people could think they have their own term. I am a god!) Right. So his name is J'isthat Youma.

Beckett Lackey 2: Who is that, sir?

Beckett Director: Remember the film of the tanks in Tiennemen Square and the guy? Yeah that was his. One of the most famous clips of all time. I got him for you. He said you can call him J'isthat Youma for short. Don’t piss him off. These assholes are all yours man. Im off to finish my "massage." (leaves)

J'isthat Youma (through translator): Gentlemen, you have sullied your honor and we must reclaim it like the ancient empire did in 1419. I have a plan.

Beckett Lackey 1: We are at your service.

J'isthat Youma: The focus of this clip will be the ancient Chinese sport of Ping Pong.

Beckett Lackey 2: Nice! We use our table all the time. We can move it into the break room for this.

J'isthat Youma: SILENCE! I will open on a glorius work of art and move into this, how do you say?, break room. There you will be playing and you will look happy like a lotus flower on the water of the pacfic.

Beckett Lackey 1(raising hand with the fear of a thousand jackals): All we have is this drawing by a guy we kept waiting too long.

J'isthat Youma: Fuck. You Americans are the scum on my sandal. It will have to do. When you are opening the cards, make sure you show more feeling. I have been told this was a problem last time. In fact, make sure you express emotions as if you were making love to a beautiful woman for the first time.

Tracy: I don’t know what that is like.

J'isthat Youma: Fake it. Miss - what ever your name is (points to lackey 1). Make sure you interrupt us to make this seem like it is filmed during the work day. I know you guys don’t work, so come dressed like you do. Now. Lets get on with the script reading. I know the company has inserted cards with names of players that are hard to pronounce for you heathens. They will be spelled phonetically on the back - take notice.

That’s about all the interesting stuff we got. Im surprised at how much of an idiot Tracy hackler is. Wait. No im not.

Eh, well I guess the guy filmed it just like the clip he is famous for. They sure didn’t convince me of anything other than they are ignorant douchebags. Well, that wasn’t too hard. Speaking of directors, I need one for my sisters birthday video. I wonder if they got J'isthat Youma's number. He did wonders making Hackler look like an adult, his next canvas can be her. Later!

1 comment:

  1. Hey Beckett people: I know you are reading this post because I keep getting hits from your web admin page. You might want to take a look at the Exquisite fraud expose too - that one is a real eye opener.