Today I Am A Wolves Fan Again For 10 Minutes

Last year I claimed that due to the OJ Mayo trade, I was no longer a Timberwolves fan. I have held true to that claim throughout the year, pretty much ignoring the NBA altogether. When the night ended last june, McHale had me by drafting the best player available, and then crushed my dreams when he traded the pick to Memphis the next morning for Love. Keving Love has worked out, though he will never be like Mayo, especially when they have already threatened to trade him to get at the number 2 pick.

Today, as with every sport's draft, I am a true Minnesota sports fan. I will watch intently as Blake Griffin and others come off the board en route to the Wolves FOUR fucking first round picks. Yes, its the worst draft in years and they have more draft picks than they have EVER had.

Here is my take on things after doing a little research, so by no means am I an expert. We all know that Griffin will go #1, rightfully so, but then its a crap shoot. Thabeet could go number 2, but so could Rubio, especially if the Wolves are trading up. Then its Tyreke (yes, Tyreke) Evans, Harden, Hill, Curry and a few others that could go in any order. The problem is that both Rubio and Thabeet have GIMUNGOUS holes in their games, and both will probably end up as busts in my opinion. Thabeet is just a shot blocker who is tall, but so was Mutombo, who had a long and fruitful career. Rubio is pretty much skin and bones, who struggled in Europe, but he is also only 18. I dont like either one.

Some wild card lottery picks that may end up in the later half are Jrue (seriously, Jrue? What torture...) Holliday and Psycho T Hansbrough. Hansbrough is destined to fufill Mark Madsen's legacy of being the guy who comes off the bench to draw fouls on Yao, Shaq, and Howard, so he would be an awful pick so high. He may turn out to be a great bench cheerleader a la Madsen, but he is a wasted lottery pick. As for Jrue, picking him would be completely jridiculous as his upside is not worth the jrisk at this point.

Brandon Jennings may sneak into the top ten, despite the fact he has struggled more than Rubio has in Europe. Again, he is very young, so Jennings may actually turn out to be more than a 1989 spike lee movie cliche. Both were thought of as top talent, but have yet to show how much they really have.

What I would like to see: the Twolves stay where they are and draft Evans and Curry. If one comes off the board ahead of time, trade like they always do. As long as we dont take Thabeet, thats all I care about.

Awful Names: Part One Billion

Je'Rod Cherry, yes you read that right, is raffling off his SB ring for a charity. Granted the cause is pretty noble and he is giving up something that most players hold dearer than their children, but the name is just spectacularly bad. He has at least three things in his first name that makes it an awful excuse for a moniker, and the last name is a fruit, thus making it legendary. Again, here are the first name rules never to be broken:

No multiples of capital letters. You get one. Use it wisely. If you are the parents of JameSon Curry of the NBA, you have brought this rule to its knees and ran it through with a sword.

No apostrophe. Just dont. You will make your kid look like he cant spell his name. Most of the time, that is not that unexpected, as some of the names are so fucking ronduckulis I couldnt spell em. Ask De'Cody Fagg.

No combining parents names. The kid is a separate being, give him a new name, or give him yours exactly. Fucking shitballs.

No hyphens. We dont ever need a LaQu'sha-J'anine. Spare us.

Spell the name as it was meant to be spelled. Dont spell Tyrell as Tie'riellle. Dont spell Brian as Bryenne. Pretty simple. Creativity is for art, not for names. Try applying for a job other than football, D'Brickashaw.

No dooming your kid to a life of crime or stripping. Strippers choose names like Kiki and Porsche because they are costumed to be like that. They dont ask for those names. I would expect a lot of them are actually named Nancy or Cindy.

No spelling things backwards. Neveah is an awful name. dont even try it.

No naming per a royal title. Prince or Princess is a title, not a name. You deserve to be shot if you name your kid Prynsesse.

No naming your kid per an adjective. To the brothers from Georgia State (or whatever) football named YourHighness and Gorgeous, I pity you.

Inside jokes are not acceptable as names. Reprobatus Banks feels the pain of this every day.

Visit nameoftheyear.com for more fun.