Beckett: #1 Authority On Getting Laid

So, I get an email from Hitter yesterday informing me that the wonderful people at Beckett have added "relationship councelors" to their list of epic fails. For some reason, they feel arrogant enough to assume the role of relationship psychologist for the cardboard community, as if they hadnt already done enough damage to the hobby we love. 

See, its about target audience, and holy fucking fuck has Beckett screwed the pooch on this. I mean, Gamepro doesnt go and write about Chanel perfume on their shit, do they? They know its fucking stupid and people will laugh their ass off as much as I did when I saw this shit.

I am going to assume that they were sitting around a conference table, wondering where to go next. Here is how it went:

Beckett Lackey #1: Well, our Beckett Obama price guide is hitting shelves in a few weeks, so be sure to add that we are the number one authority on Presidential Collectibles to the website.

Beckett Lackey #2: Are we the number one authority? 

Beckett Lackey #1: Well, we are the only ones ever to put out a magazine about this stupid shit, so that automatically makes us number 1. How dare you question me!

Beckett Lackey #2: So, because we publish a magazine on it, we are supposed to be the best? 

Beckett Lackey #1: YES! YOURE FIRED, NOW LEAVE.

Beckett Lackey #3: Since we are already the number 1 authority on collectibles, presedential stuff, video games, yu-gi-oh! cards, pokemon, and now blogging with Chris Olds, where do we go next? We are still losing readers by the minute...

Beckett Lackey #1: Well, hmm, im not sure. Ha, I have an idea! ***giggles*** Since all the collectors are nerds and have no lives, lets give them relationship advice! ***giggles***

Hackler: You just became the number one authority on ideas, my friend. Congratulations! RUN IT.

Chris Olds: (shouting from down the hall) Did someone say they want a relationship? I want one!

All: SHUT UP!

Hackler: Holy shit, what a creepy piece of shit he is. The number one authority on being sexually inexperienced.

Beckett Lackey #1: I know a gal we can drug to bring in here to do this for us. She is like, so hot. I think she would be great.

Chris Olds: (shouting) Did someone say that there are girls coming? ***runs in naked*** ME FIRST!

Beckett Lackey #1: ***barfs***

Beckett Lackey #2: ***barfs***

Hackler: ***Licks his lips***

Beckett Lackey #1: Dude, run that shit, its going to blow the other blogs out of the water, we are fucking geniuses!

Beckett Lackey #2: its going to blow alright.

Hackler: I thought you were fired.

Beckett Lackey #2: Im the #1 authority on being a douche. 

Hackler: Sorry man, already mine.

ANNNND Scene. 

Unconfirmed: First Tiger Pulled?

Per an email from one of the readers, last night his friend has pulled one of the Tigers, number 2/5, out of Exquisite. This is completely unconfirmed and could be bullshit, but if its not, lets hope he can get us a scan as he said he would. Per his friend, this came from a bonus pack, so I am not putting much water into this bucket.

Ill keep you updated as this develops.

Thanks to Joe from the D.

Holy Crap: Cutler to Chi-town

Well, the Bears win the Cutler sweepstakes, and it will either make their franchise a contender for years to come, or cripple them completely, there is no in between here. They paid a HUGE-MUNGOUS price for him, giving up two first rounders AND Kyle Orton, which to me is pretty much mortgaging the future on a fourth year QB. Usually these things never take a middle of the road results sheet with them to the annals of history. I think its the right thing to do if you are in desperate need of a QB, but the Bears really werent. Thats why I would have passed.

Cutler looks to be great, he has had some good years in denver, but has shown a weird attitude in addition to the talent. This was only the latest in a long string of weird situations surrounding him. Remember the whole confrontation with Rivers? How weird is that for NFL QBs? It usually only happens with WRs and CBs telling each other that they cant cover one another.

Either way, it makes the Bears that much more of a possible threat, and makes that defense much more scary with an Offense that can score. If they have a good rest of the draft, it could be devastating to the NFC North.

Only time will tell.

We Are Almost A Month Into Exquisite Now, Still No Tiger

The buzz in the hobby right now is all Tiger Woods, due to the presence of his cards in both Champs hockey, Ultimate Collection, and Exquisite Collection. The last in that list would be considered to be the craziest card to hit the market in years. The problem is that not one of the five cards have made it onto the secondary market. We havent even gotten a whiff of one.

I know that Gregg had promised that 5 of these made it into circulation, and that not as much Exquisite has been opened this year as last, but the odds thus far that no one even knows a person who has one is a little off the charts. More than 50% of the logos have been pulled, including the Ryan that was sold for $6250 off eBay, the Ryan/Flacco dual logo, and at least one of the Tigers from a more mass produced product like Champs Hockey have been pulled as well. Its currently at $3200 on TWGM.

I would put this card at close to $10K if pulled and listed due to the brand, the product, the memorabilia, and the possible inscription. I am eagerly waiting, hoping that one will surface.

Man, this is nuts!

Call This My (Photo)Bucket List

When each person enters into collecting, they have a list. Their list consists of all the cards they want before they move on or whatever the case is. For me I have a list of autos, ones that I want to have in my possession before I stop collecting/die/sell everything. Aside from the guys on the twins curtain HOF, or many of the Vikings, there are a few other non-related things I want to get. I usually wont buy before I know its display-able, and as a memorabilia collecting sports card guy, I have some standards that must be met. Whether its on a card, on a ball, or on a jersey, it has to be real beyond a shadow of a doubt. It needs to fit on my wall, my shelf, or my desk, no exceptions. It also needs to be with the team they were mostly known for, so no Unitas on the chargers. Other than that, it just has to be cool. Here is my list:

Michael Jordan

Why he is on the list is a no brainer. I have an obsession with obtaining autos of all the greatest players from the modern era of sports, and he is obviously at or near the top of the list. He has tons out there, but everything remains ridiculous - a testament to how great he actually was. I would love to get a great photo or a nice card, but the counterfeits are tough to avoid.

Wayne Gretzky

Hockey was never one of my favorite sports, but I had an admiration for Gretzky as a player. He dominated much like Jordan dominated, and his autos are quite similar in price to Jordans at points, only because there are less Hockey cards than Basketball cards. When it comes to memorabilia, his stuff is much lower, but it is an auto that the casual fan can appreciate.

Hank Aaron (obtained)

Hammerin' Hank is one of the best baseball players ever. Add in the fact that he did it in a time of racial predjudice and adversity makes it more impressive. I read his biography in second grade, and became enamored with his accomplishments. I was very sad when a juiced douche broke his records, because Hank was a good guy, Bonds was not. I was lucky enough to get an auto'ed baseball which I had authenticated, so that one is checked.

Walter Payton (obtained)

Payton is the best running back I have seen, ever. Barry Sanders was on a similar level, and so was Emmitt Smith, but even at the pinnacles of their careers, they were still compared to Payton. His autos are still relatively cheap, as football history will never rival baseball history, but his cards are ridiculous. I opted for a signed notecard with a dark and wonderful sig. It came with a JSA letter, so im good on that.

Tiger Woods

I already posted on Tiger, so you know what I am about when it comes to him. I think that I would love a nice action shot to frame and hang, but a ball would do just fine. Ill never be able to afford a card, so that’s out, and my dream of owning a signed Masters pin flag from him will cost me thousands. I have no idea how I will get this one checked. I would also like a Nicklaus sig, but that is way down the list.

Joe Montana

I have had a Montana auto in my possession, but I sold it for the money to pay bills. Montana is considered one of the best football players ever, and I was a fan of the Niners while I was growing up. I think of all the people on the list, his auto is cheapest, but for my collection it would be great.

Tom Brady

Brady is still playing but his autograph is still pretty valuable. The reason is that he doesn’t sign much for the companies from what I have seen, although Topps must have a few stickers on demand for Triple Suck every year, and he hasn’t had a UD auto for ages. Brady has already won 3 superbowls, set a single season TD record, and done a whole lot of hot ass babes. This is one I want.

Mickey Mantle

I want a Mantle auto, and I am not sure why, considering my hate for the Yankees and for less than class act players. Mantle was both, but he still has an incredible value to the hobby. The problem is that he has to be one of the most counterfitted autos in the history of collecting, so even with PSA or JSA, there is no telling if it is real or fake without some expensive provenance. Ill probably not get this one out of all the list for that reason.

So far, that is my list, and I have a long, long way to go and a lot of money to spend. Hopefully I can get somewhere close to completion. My shelves are already pretty impressive, if I do say so myself, but this would make it that much better. I know you all have your list, who is on yours?

April Box Busters Club: Team Randomization

Trade Deadline: Saturday 10 p.m. central time
Break: Sunday Afternoon

Here are the team assignments:

Holy Hitter: Giants, Ravens
wheeler: Falcons, Broncos, Raiders
kickstand: Rams, Dolphins
houstoncollector: Packers, Panthers, Eagles, Texans
bdavid: Seahawks
cardman312: cardinals
IAmJoeCollector: Lions, Redskins
scubasteve: Titans, Texans, Colts, Panthers
psad21: Browns, Buccaneers
groat: Chiefs, Chargers
arfmax: Patriots, Vikings
fatcat: Steelers, Saints
darkship: Bears, Bills, Cowboys
whitesoxcat: Panthers, Eagles, Packers
sonic: Jaguars, 49ers
voluntarheel: Jets, Bengals

Ok, Please Stop Emailing Me

Yes, yes, by now if you havent figured out that it was april fools today, you are a poop. If you took me seriously, well I have a video you would LOVE to see. Either way, I am not going to be a pawn for Upper Deck, nor would they want my services even if I did want to be one.

So, please stop being sad. Everything will be okay. In the words of the prophet Barney Stinson, "When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome again. True story." So gents, suit up and be legendary.

Also, stop emailing me. My box is full.

Thats what she said.

Thank you.

Sports Cards Uncensored Is Now Your Place For UD Info!

Guys, thanks to some wonderful marketing ideas and a few boxes of SPA and Exquisite, I am now going to be writing this blog for Upper Deck. SCU has become SCUD, and I couldnt be happier. I know that there has been rumblings around the CBN that this was on the verge of taking place, so here is the official announcement.

Over the last few months, many of you have commented on my endless pandering to Upper Deck's football division, and it was for the sole reason of making this happen. They wanted to be the first manufacturer with a blog run by collectors, and based on my stance on their products, I was the first choice for football. They are still in the works to obtain the rights to a certain Baseball blog.

From now on, you can expect frequent product "reviews," exclusive product "previews" and of course, lots and lots of promotional contests. To celebrate, I have decided to hold the first contest of many, and all you have to do is comment below that you want in. Up for grabs will be this hand packed extra pack from Exquisite that will contain an auto numbered to less than 50. It came directly from the manufacturer's stash, so Im guessing its pretty good.

You can imagine that this will mean sweeping changes around here, and I feel its for the better. If I have to put in hours upon hours of painstaking work, I think I should get something out of it. This way I get a few thousand in cards, and a great company to work with. Gregg sent his personal thanks earlier today, and I think this could be the start of something wonderful.

I appreciate your continued support, though I wont be able to give you your normal scheduled daily rants. I have made my peace with Beckett, and they even offered me a years subscription to the OPG, which I will have to learn how to use. If you have any experience with it, please let me know.

Thanks!

Tiger Woods May Be The Biggest Buy Now Athlete in The World

Right now, Tiger Woods is on the up and up after a debilitating injury that could have put him out for good. He has already won a slew of Majors, more tournaments than you can shake a nine iron at, and you better believe he is the person that tops my lists of autos you MUST get in the next year.

As we saw this past Sunday, Tiger is a freak of nature. He is the beast of beasts, quite possibly THE most talented athlete in the world. For those of you who play golf, you know what I am talking about when it comes to the difficulty of the game. I have played golf since I was 5, and I still cannot hit a ball over 250 yards, and even if I did, it wouldnt go in the right direction. I know someone who was lucky enough to play in a tournament round with Tiger, and he said that it was like watching perfection in action. He said that Tiger did not make one mistake the whole time he was out there. Im not talking about shanking it into the schmutz or even not reaching a green in regulation, I am talking about hitting every fairway with your drives, landing each approach shot within mere feet, and putting on a below two average per hole. The guy is the best ever, and could be among the best players of any sport in any sense of the words.

Right now, to get a Tiger Woods autographed anything will cost you above 300 dollars if you want something even worth your time. Guess what? It will be worth every single cent in the coming years. Tiger has done more for golf than any single person has done for a single sport, and that will only become more relevant as he moves forward.

If you have the money to purchase one of his SPA golf cards, I would do so before buying any case of anything. There is no way your investment will decrease in value, even if he were to retire tomorrow. Michael Jordan may have been the best and most visible athlete before, but he never meant as much to his sport as Tiger does to his. Jordan's autos are the most valuable every year, regardless of set, and Tiger will not be any different. Luckily, he is signing quite a bit for upcoming UD sets, and that is only the best thing that could happen for those of you who dont have his auto yet. I dont, and I will surely be looking for one. My brother has both a photo and a ball signed by him, and you can imagine the worth of those in 20 years. I met Jack Nicklaus and watched him play, I also watched Tiger, its like watching Joe Dimaggio as compared to Albert Pujols. Joey D was one of the greatest, but when it comes to today's athletes, he wouldnt hold a candle to Pujols, Rodriguez or the other top players. Its just a matter of time frame, and the same is said for Nicklaus and Woods.

In fact, there has never been another player to have the game changed to challenge him. Tiger's presence in golf has prompted new golf course designs, new huge distances from the tee, new depth in the bunkers. Ruth was a player who could have been challenged by bigger parks, but it never happened. Augusta redesigned the course after Woods' -19 performance in his first Masters win, which did little to prevent his victories, but rather only grew the stroke counts.

Its quite simple, Tiger is amazing, will always be amazing, and even for the casual fan, there is no reason to ever think about buying another expensive case of cards until you own something of his. For the rest of us, you can bet that if you had the money you should be buying, so maybe its time to set a goal for yourself. Dont miss out while things are still low, and yes I do realize the prices that he is at right now.