Mauer Saves Twins From Disgrace, Makes Love to Non-Inflatable Woman

A personal thank you to Joe Mauer for breaking up Frodo Baggins' no hitter in the 9th. I continue to hate the White Sox with every inch of my love for baseball and I would hate to have to endure the rest of the season knowing that the Twins could not put up a hit against a team known for two things - Ozzie Guillen and Blow Up Dolls.

Gardy, please come back soon.